How to finish your PhD

I;ve been busy! I went on holiday at long last to Lisbon, and I revised for my PhD viva, passed it, corrected my thesis and handed it in to complete my PhD!

Here is what I wrote on 43 things for completing my PhD (the only task on there i have actually noted as finished)

I started my PhD in 2004 in a research lab. At the start of my second year, I was gobsmacked to find out my supervisor was leaving to set up a new lab somewhere else in a different city in the UK. This was after he had JUST recruited a new Post Doctoral worker from Australia and a PhD student from Portugal. In fact, when I started, he already knew he was planning to leave, but neglected to inform me.

We were given the options of either moving with him or being left to fend for ourselves. At this point my project was not going well (as is very common for middle of phd) and ever worse, my relationship with my supervisor was poor. I found it difficult to talk to him.
I spoke with the student advisor, who suggested I wait until my midterm before making a decision. The midterm is half way through the phd, where you switch from an MPhil (Masters) to a full PhD program. I passed the midterm viva, and decided I did not want to move with my supervisor. In fact, no one from our lab did. Lab heads do move their labs, and usually at least half the lab moves with them. Unsurprisingly, none of us wanted to go with our supervisor, given his mercurial moods and unpleasant manner.

So I was left looking for somewhere to go. I was told that I could start afresh somewhere else, with new funding, but all my previous work would be discarded and would not count towards the new project. This was quite a shock, but I looked around. Unfortunately there was nowhere available – any lab who really wanted a new student had already filled up their lab space with incoming students for 2006. Luckily, one lab head gave me a place. So i started afresh in September 2006.

The project I was given – generating knockout mice. Now, anyone who works in this field will be able to tell you that it is a LOT of work, and hardly suitable for a PhD student, especially one in a lab which has NO experience in this sort of work. I foolishly agreed to the project, and so began 4 very stressful years. The mouse project did not work, and the second project was equally stressful, although I scraped some results in the end. My thesis was not the most exciting, but somehow I managed to put enough data together to fill it up (there was a bit of barrel scraping in some instances).

Even more fun was the fact that I had 3 years funding for a 4 year project. So I spent the last year relying on savings and my parents. My supervisor did nothing to help me find money. I am now very poor!

My advice?
If you are about to start a PhD – think VERY seriously about it! It really eats into your social life. I have lost count of how many times I didn’t go out with friends or family, how many times I was in the lab all day saturday, sunday and then back to work monday as normal. Also, trust your gut instinct regarding the supervisor. You have to work with him/her for 4 years! Make sure you insist on speaking with people in the lab.

If you are in the middle of the phd – keep your bibliography up to date! And make sure EVERY result you get is written up as if it is going to be in your thesis. You may think its rubbish and never going to see the light of day, but if you get to the end and have nothing exciting, you’ll end up going through rubbish old results just to find stuff to fill the thesis up!

Make sure you don’t get stuck on projects that seem to be going nowhere. If you have tried every alternative and optimised the method, think about where to go next, don’t just keep plodding on and banging your head against the wall. Quite often, supervisors are happy to cling to stupid methods/ideas, you may have to jump to something new which they won’t like, but it is YOUR phd, not theirs, and you;re the one who has to answer for it at the viva.

The viva itself was not that bad, at 3 hours long. I think I was probably quite lucky and got sensible examiners. They did ask a few questions which I couldn’t really answer, despite my best guesses, but I admitted I didn’t really know, and they accepted that.

I got a list of corrections to do, which i did within less than 2 weeks. I then printed my final thesis (in a nice hardback edition) and handed in copies to the lab and the university, and kept one for myself.

You may think you are never going to get through this. The last 2 years of my phd, I thought it was a prison sentence. I was literally counting down the days to freedom. So many times I fantasised about running away, or writing a resignation letter. My secondary supervisor was perfect for offering the moral support and shoulder to cry on that my primary supervisor was never going to give. My family did their bit too. Finishing the phd is a matter of endurance and taking the pain, but don’t let the frustration cloud your judgement. Make sure you discuss your work as often as possible with as many different people as possible (ensuring they aren’t people who might want to steal it) to see if others have interesting insights, or think your ideas are plain nuts :)

Good luck

What an amazing few days

Firstly, Eid Mubarak! The holy month of Ramadhan ended, and virtually everyone seems to have celebrated Eid-ul-Fitr, the festival of the fast breaking, on the same day (since the Islamic calendar relies on a lunar calendar and on people sighting the new moon, people can disagree on whether the new month has started or not).

On that same day, I decided to go into work and hand in my thesis! I paid extra to have it bound more quickly. They look awesome. I can't express how happy I am to get to this stage. Even if I fail my viva, at least I got here and submitted something!. Now all I have to do is wait for my examiners to read my 200 page thesis before we decide on an examination date so we can meet and they can spend 2-5 hours tearing it to shreds and reducing me to tears. In Ukraine, PhD examinations are in public, with the institute and your friends and family as audience members!

Now that I am a man of leisure, I decided to... go back to work for one last experiment, which gave good results. It was an expression construct I had made, basically a piece of DNA to make cells create a protein they wouldn't normally make. It works, so maybe my lab can use it after I leave in future experiments! Other than that, I have been enjoying myself at last. I ordered a new Xbox 360 slim from the Microsoft store which went missing so I got fed up and got a refund, and got an xbox bundle from HMV instead. They delivered the xbox and game fairly quickly, but still haven't delivered the second game, 3 weeks later. The new xbox is awesome. It is a lot smaller than previous models. It DOES still get rather hot, which is worrying. At least the fan is a lot more quiet. With its impressive 250GB hard drive, I have started saving games to the hard drive, so that the machine doesn't have to work as hard and there is reduced risk of scratching the game disc. So far I have been replaying Mass Effect 2 on Hardcore.

I also attended the Lost Marathon at the Prince Charles Cinema. They decided to show all 120 hours worth of six seasons of the show Lost, back to back. I got there on Monday at 8am, expecting a huge queue of people. The queue consisted of about 10 people waiting forlornly. I was on my own so just struck up conversation with some of them. Nerds are good at making friends with each other :) In the end only about 50 or so people went in. I didn't think I would get in and had only planned to stay a few hours. I nonetheless stayed for 24 hours, which took me through season one and into the first 3 episodes of season two. Seeing Lost on the big screen was incredible. I have never really rewatched any of the episodes, so I had forgotten a lot of season one events. It really struck me just how brutal and harsh their life was on the island! The cinema showed the episodes in 4 hour blocks, with 15 minute breaks. I had no change of clothes, and no sleeping bag. I decided I would go mad if I stayed there longer so I left. I nonetheless got a goody bag, consisting of Season 6 DVD set, a poster, a tshirt and an Artifacts booklet with snippets from the upcoming Encyclopedia. I almost wish I had stayed until The End on Friday morning, but I think I would have become as deranged as Claire by that point.

Ramadhan - half way finished

Whew. We're now past the halfway mark on the holy month of Ramadhan. Each year, muslims spend a month fasting, abstaining from food, drink, smoking or intake of anything else during the sunlit hours of the day. This year the fasts have roughly been around 3am - 8pm. Tough, but not impossible. It's more the disrupted sleeping routine thats wearing me down than the food and water ban. Trying to finish my phd is not helping matters. Tomorrow is my last day of major lab work. After that, its just writing and rewriting. My thesis is actually taking shape, its unbelievable. I never thought I'd see this day.

THe downside is that so much time at work = no time spent in contemplation. Muslims typically spend much of Ramadhan in prayer, especially at the mosque in extended evening prayers called taraweeh. Unfortunately I've only been twice so far. I have really neglected my spiritual needs, but soon my thesis will be handed in, and I can reclaim my life and make up for it.

iPod Touch apps

I have to admit, I haven't really taken full advantage of my iPod Touch or my new Android HTC phone. There are so many apps available from iTunes and the Android Store, but most of them seem to be rather useless! In particular for the ipod, many of them work best if internet connectivity is available. Since it's not an iPhone, it only connects when I'm at home.

I have however invested in several apps for the iPod Touch.

1) Sol free. It has several card games based on solitaire. Free Recommended.

2) Civilisation Revolutions. I only played the original Civilisation games occasionally on friends' PCs so I had a passing familiarity with the game. This version generates a random world map, and lets you control various forces to create an empire. Initially you start off with one settler, who founds a city. You began researching technology like pottery, writing, combustion, electronics and atomic energy to allow you to progress. You make granaries, temples, and workshops to help you make soldiers, planes and nuclear weapons to dominate the world. Along the way you can make Wonders of the World for bonuses. You can win in several ways - create the most advanced nation, or wipe out the other AI-controlled nations before they eliminate you. Some of the touchscreen controls can irritate at times, but its an immensely addictive game! Costs £3.99 Recommended.

3) iFitness. A decent workout programme. It contains a wide range of different weight lifting exercises, most of which come with not just pictures and text but short demonstrative video clips as well. You can record your workouts with reps and sets, and monitor your body measurements and weight, all of which are presented in little graphs to show your progress. £1.19 Recommended

4) Stanza. ebook reader. I've only used it to download the free books, which are mostly the classics. So the Brothers Karamazov, or Ulysses, or Art of War, or Jekyll and Hyde. The text is not too difficult to read and is quite handy for the bus or train. free Recommended

5) Prayer times. Gives you times for salaat, direction of Qibla etc. Needs an internet connection to keep up to date. £0.59 Recommended

6) Lux touch. Basically Risk on ipod! It is incredibly addictive (sound effects are annoying, so I play with the sound off). Just like the board game, you are assigned countries randomly (and your soldiers are allocated randomly to those countries). Then you have to wipe out all the AI controlled empires by conquering the world. The more countries you control, the more recruits you get each turn. Each time you conquer a country you get a bonus which cashes in when you have 3 bonuses (this aspect was rather odd, as the bonus can be anywhere from 30-200 soldiers). The 4 AI characters have distinct ways of playing (red is always v methodical, yellow is brash and expends all forces to attack anyone and everyone), but there are odd behaviours (quite often they seem reluctant to entirely eliminate an AI, preferring to leave them at least one country). free Recommended

7) Plants vs zombies. A defence tower game. You have a lawn. Zombies start on one end and attempt to cross to reach your house on the other end. You must put various plants in their way. Pea plants shoot peas to kill zombies, sunflowers generate solar energy to pay for plants, red chilli wipes out all zombies in one direction etc. There are then variations on this - the back garden has a pool which requires lilypads to help your plants float; attacks at night require mushroom plants which can thrive without the sun; attacks via the roof rely on potted plants. There are various types of zombies too - some have helmets for added protection, other can pole vaunt over your defences, while the Ogre zombie just smashes through everything, and dolphin zombies can bypass your defences in pools. Yes, really! Great soundtrack too £1.59 Recommended

8) Air sharing. For sharing files, making your ipod a proper harddrive. Lets you store word pdf and video files, without having to use other apps to view them. So you can view videos that might not be compatible with iTunes, since it connects your ipod directly to your computer wirelessly. £1.79

9) Hearts free. For playing Hearts card game. Addictive and infuriating when you get the queen of spades! Free. Recommended

10) Monkey Island. The original classic touch and point game. You control Guybrush Threepwood. You can get him to talk to characters, pick up objects, and use objects on people or locations. It requires a lot of patience and effort to get the right actions in the right order - quite often defying logic as to how to solve each problem. There is a hint advisor that can help you past rather confusing or tricky parts. The maps are ridiculously tiny - at one point I was stuck and had to resort to online cheating for answers, simply because I hadn't located something on the map as it was so difficult and obscured. £4.99 Recommended

11) Oregon trail. Not nearly as fun as it sounded. You control a family in the 1800s on the US frontier. You have to get from one end of the US to the other, all the while doing tasks like fishing, picking berries or hunting animals (simple touch screen games requiring certain number of items scored under time). It gets v repetitive and boring after a while, and the little facts given out become tiresome. £2.99

12) Spider. Initially I found this remarkably boring, but it soon grew on me. You control a spider which has to eat all the bugs in each room. You have a limited amount of webbing which you can use to spin webs to catch bugs, but catching and eating prey replenishes your spidersilk. If you catch the minimum amount, a portal opens to lead to the next level. If you find all the items and eat everything, you score bonus points. The music track is rather catchy too. £0.59 Recommended

13) Uniwar. Not as fun as it looked. You make robot warriors of different types and have to blow up the opponent's forces before they get you. £0.59

14) Beneath A steel sky. Just like Monkey Island, although the puzzles are a lot more logical and easier to understand how to solve for the most part. Set in a dystopian future, the English accents are rather jarring. Your character is kidnapped from the gypsy life and brought to the city under control of an evil computer intelligence. You must figure out why. Like Monkey island, you have to get your character through the game by talking to characters and picking up and using objects in the right place at the right time. Some of it is funny, some of it actually rather creepy. The original game is rather old, from the 80s. £1.79 Recommended.

Mythology of the X Files - explained.

Here's another in my series of explaining the most complicated genre shows or films!


Millions, if not billions, of years ago, meterorites (possibly from Mars) crashed onto Earth, bringing an intelligent alien lifeforce with it. The lifeforce existed in the form of a virus called Purity. Its arrival sparked the beginnings of life on Earth. Alien DNA influenced the evolution of terrestrial lifeforms. The virus eventually infected primitive ancestors of humans and transformed them into grey alien beings known as the Colonists. Many of the Colonists abandoned Earth and went off to colonise the galaxy. They encountered a race of green blooded shapeshifters. The Colonists were able to infect many of the shapeshifters with Purity. It did not alter the shapeshifters into colonists, but did put them under the Colonists' control. They went on to infect and control all other forms of life in the galaxy.

Eventually some of them returned to Earth. In their absence, those left behind had died out in the Ice Age, and humans had successfully evolved into a more sophisticated species, taking over the planet. The virus on Earth had gone dormant, hiding underground in oil deposits. The Colonists began to investigate humans, abducting them. They wiped out the Anasazi Indians, who were sold out by their own leaders who hid inside rock formations with abundant sources of magnetite, a mineral whose presence was lethal to the Colonists. It is possible that the Anasazi had an innate immunity to the virus, making them a threat.

In 1947, a UFO visiting Earth was affected by high levels of magnetite in Roswell, New Mexico, and crashed. The Americans studied the crashed vessel, and met with other great powers in secret UN meetings. An international conspiracy was formed to keep the information quiet, to avoid mass panic. Each country created its own conspiracy organisation, responsible for killing any alien found in its territory, and for studying the aliens and the virus. An arms race began mixed with the Cold War, to see who could weaponise the virus into a biological weapon.

US attempts to mix alien and human DNA failed. Import of scientists captured from the Nazis did not improve matters. By the 1970s, the US conspiracy (the Syndicate) had become autonomous, exerting great influence at a national and international level. They realised that while alien UFO technology could be combatted, the alien virus could not. They therefore made contact with the Colonists and offered a deal. They would pave the way for alien invasion, and in return the Syndicate and their families would be left in a privileged position of an alien dominated Earth. Presumably the Colonists did not have the resources to launch an invasion, so they agreed.

The Colonists demanded that each Syndicate member give up a family member as a hostage. CGB Spender, known as the CIgarette Smoking Man, gave up his wife Cassandra. Bill Mulder, who had helped use the Smallpox vaccination programme to create a giant database of human DNA for the cloning projects, picked his daughter. But he refused to actually hand her over. The Colonists therefore abducted Samantha Mulder directly from her home. Fox Mulder later regained the memories of watching her abduction, fuelling his obsession with the paranormal. Whether or not Bill realised one if not both his children were in fact the product of an affair between his wife and Spender is unknown.

As part of the deal, the Colonists gave the Syndicate a frozen, preserved alien shapeshifter embryo, infected with the virus. Combined with Bill Mulder's database, the Syndicate now had pure sources of human and alien DNA. They began experimenting to create a race of alien/human hybrids. These hybrid clones would initially serve to infiltrate key parts of the country, and would paralyse them at the moment of invasion. Their hybrid nature made them immune to infection by the virus. Bees and other delivery methods were engineered to release the virus to cause mass infection at the right time. In this way, the virus would be spread all over the world at key positions, ensuring there would be no time for anyone to react before it was too late. Syndicate members would receive gene therapy to transform themselves into hybrids, ensuring they would gain immunity to Purity.

Bill Mulder opposed these plans, and forced the Syndicate to agree to an additional backup plan. In secret, they studied the hybrids and the virus, to create a vaccine. If the world population could be immunised against Purity, the alien threat would be minimised. The Russians and others were also rushing ahead with vaccination research. The Colonists themselves planned to betray the Syndicate, wanting to not merely infect humans but in fact wipe them out and replace them with freshly gestated Colonists.

In the mid 90s, FBI Special Agent Fox Mulder had discovered the X Files, a section of files full of cases that could not be solved without an understanding of the paranormal. He began to immerse himself in studying them. His superiors worried at his obsession, and Spender, whose job it was to patrol government agencies like the FBI to ensure they did not interfere with the Syndicate, was concerned. Agent Dana Scully was therefore assigned to debunk Mulder's work. Her scientific and medical background were supposed to aid her in showing Mulder's investigative methods were flawed. In fact, the two worked together remarkably well, solving many difficult cases. They also began to stumble upon more and more findings of Syndicate activities. Eventually they got too close. A key member of the Syndicate, Deep Throat, had become ambivalent in his support of the conspiracy, and had given Mulder too much information. He was therefore murdered, and the X Files shut down. When Mulder persisted in X Files related cases, and a reassigned Scully continued to aid and abet him, the Syndicate moved to stop them. They staged an alien abduction and had Scully removed. She was brutally experimented upon and then dumped. She nonetheless recovered. Their superior, Assistant Director Skinner, stood up to the conspiracy forces by reassigning Mulder and Scully to the X Files.

Mulder and Scully began to piece together parts of the puzzle. Along the way, Scully's sister and Mulder's father were murdered by Syndicate agent Alex Krycek. Krycek in fact was a double agent, infiltrating the US Syndicate for the Russian conspiracy. Mulder discovered his father's role in the conspiracy and that he chose Samantha for abduction. The agents discovered Scully had been exposed to the virus and had her ovaries removed, to provide human DNA for hybrid cloning. Scully discovered her hybrid child, Emily, and was able to take her from the Syndicate, only to watch her die as her body broke down as a failed experiment. She also discovered that the experiments had given her cancer. An implant which monitored Scully's body kept the cancer under control, until removed. Many other abductee women who had also removed their implants were found - all of them died from cancer. Mulder was able to find a replacement chip which again suppressed Scully's cancer. Spender, the smoking man, attempted to bribe Mulder into joining the Syndicate, but failed, and then fell out temporarily with the rest of the Syndicate before rejoining them. Mulder encountered hybrid clones of his sister on several occasions, often being tricked into thinking they were the genuine Samantha Mulder.

Events began to come to a head. Krycek was forced to defect from the Russians and rejoined the Syndicate, bringing with him something the Russians made which the Syndicate had failed at - a vaccine for Purity. It was imperfect, effective only at early stages of infection, but it was a start. Rebel shapeshifters, who had escaped infection, began arriving on Earth. They began attacking abductees, attempting to destroy the Syndicate's attempts to create hybrid clones. They made an offer to the Syndicate of an alliance, which the Syndicate fearfully turned down, concerned at a Colonist reprisal.

The Syndicate again briefly shut the X Files down, and then had it put under the control of Spender's son, ensuring their activities would no longer be investigated by the FBI. Mulder and Scully made allies with Gibson Praise, a young boy whose alien derived genes inherited through evolution were in fact turned on, giving him psychic abilities. They also made contact with Spender's wife Cassandra, a repeat abductee and most promising subject of the cloning project. Eventually the Syndicate succeeded in transforming Cassandra into a hybrid. The Syndicate moved forward to contact the Colonists and trigger the invasion, but were outmaneuvered by shapeshifting Rebels. The rebels infiltrated the Syndicate and wiped them out. The smoking man, Kryeck and two others were the only major members to survive. Spender was outraged that his son had betrayed him and joined Mulder's side, and had him taken away as a test subject.

Mulder at one point was subjected to Russian vaccine tests and exposed to the virus. Radiation from an alien artifact reactivated the dormant virus, and began to activate alien genes. Mulder was crippled by psychic abilities to the extent that his brain began to break down. Scully attempted to investigate the artifact, which was actually an alien craft buried in the sands of Africa, and covered with human genome data, scientific equations, and scriptures from different world religions. Unable to comprehend the mix of science and faith, she returned home to find Spender had abducted Mulder. Spender removed parts of Mulder's transformed tissue and grafted it onto himself, to enable Spender to become a true hybrid. Scully was able to find Mulder and save him. She didn't know that Mulder was still in fact dying from a deteriorative brain condition.

Spender's operation failed - the tissue graft began to kill him. He attempted to capture a crashed UFO to rebuilt the Syndicate but was betrayed by Krycek, who had sold out to the aliens. Shapeshifters were sent to abduct any human whose genome was closely related to the aliens' - such as Mulder. All such humans were abducted one by one, and other forms of evidence related to alien activites was removed. Scully was able to save Gibson Praise from being killed by a shapeshifter, and sent him into hiding, but failed to find Mulder. Agents John Doggett and later Monica Reyes were assigned to aid Scully's work on the X files, in particular in finding Mulder.

Abductees were later found dumped at different points on Earth, in near death states. A rebel alien (or possibly a mere hybrid) named Jeremiah Smith worked to heal them to hinder alien plans, but was himself later removed by the aliens. Mulder's body was found at one site, and later buried. Later it was exhumed and found to be still barely alive. Fortunately Scully realised in time that giving the body warmth and care in fact accelerated the progression of infection of the Purity virus they carried. When Krycek betrayed them again and did not hand over the Russian vaccine, Scully resorted to more mundane methods of antiviral agents and blood transfusions. Eventually through much time and effort she was able to clear Mulder's body of the virus. Another abductee, Billy Miles, was not so lucky. Previously, infection with Purity was shown to either put the host in a coma, or possess them. In some cases, the virus could grow a new Colonist, which burst out of the host body. In these cases, abductees who had active alien DNA were modified by the aliens to transform into something new - a supersoldier. Supersoldiers look entirely human except for a bump on their neck. They are immensely strong. Even if decapitated or entirely shredded into pieces, their bodies can eventually rebuild themselves.

The agents realised that the aliens had abandoned the failed Syndicate and had resorted to replacing humans at key positions with Supersoldiers in the government, FBI and the military. They were also experimenting with human ova, and treating water supplies with chemicals to accelerate human mutation to make them more susceptible to transformation into supersoldiers.

Billy Miles was later sent to wipe out remnant Syndicate operations. They were still trying to make hybrids who could fight the aliens and their virus. The hybrids were mostly gross failures, but one worked perfectly, and was implanted in Scully. The aliens discovered this, and panicked. They initially believed the child to be a perfect melding of human and alien conceived in a barren woman, a perfect entity who was proof of God's existence. They moved to kill Scully, but then changed their minds. They now believed the child would in fact ensure their dominance of the Earth, and allowed Scully to raise the child on their behalf, while they moved forward with their plans. An alien cult attempted to abduct the child, to raise him as a messiah, but were stopped when baby William's unearthly powers activated the alien craft they had uncovered, which wiped the cult out.

Spender's son returned, mutilated by experiments his father had subjected him to. He treated baby Willliam with magnetite, rendering the child a mere mortal. Scully then put William Scully up for anonymous adoption, to give him a normal life and ensure the aliens did not attempt to reverse the process.

Mulder meanwhile had left the FBI. He found the main military base housing the new Supersoldier led conspiracy, and discovered nothing had changed. Nine years of fighting the future had not changed the invasion date of 2012. He was caught and put on trial and sentenced to death by a kangaroo court. His allies helped him escape, and Mulder and Scully went on the run, vowing to fight the aliens.

As the years passed, Scully went to work in a hospital, and Mulder stayed with her in hiding. The aliens abandoned their pursuit, deciding neither of them were a real threat at this point, and continuing with their work.

Futurama has returned!

OK so I'm a bit late to the party! What can I say, I've been busy buried in thesis writing (more of which, later). I LOVED futurama s1-4, but the TV movies aka s5 were a bit lacking to say the least, So it was with great surprise that I heard the series had been renewed for a 6th season.

For those who don't know, Futurama is made by the same people who make The Simpsons. Set a thousand years from now, it follows the exploits of Philip J Fry, a pizza delivery boy who was accidentally (although we know now on purpose) cryogenically frozen in the 20th century and defrosted in the 30th century, where he joined Delivery Express, a delivery company run by his great-great-million times great nephew (who is about 100 years older than Fry, if you can wrap your brain around it). Fry is in love with the one eyed captain, Leela and is best friends with the kleptomaniac alcoholic robot Bender. Although the show never reached anywhere near the success of Simpsons, it can definitely match it in the humour stakes





So how does s6 shape up? I have to say it's been a bit hit and miss.


6.1 Rebirth - The series returns with all the crew dead. Obviously someone needs to fix it. Quite amusing when we get duplicates. Not a bad start 7/10

6.2 In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela. A deathstar like thing is approaching Earth, and Zap Brannigan and Leela must go to fight it. OK getting Zap and Leela together was kinda contrived, Fry doesn't even object to his girlfriend going off with someone who's desperately interested in her. But the subsequent crash into the Garden of Eden is amusing, as is the 50s black and white serial depiction of Zap. The deathstar being a parody of Star Wars and of V'ger from Star Trek was pretty funny too. 7/10

6.3 Attack of the Killer App. People get EyePhones and turn into zombies, while Leela freaks out about a deformity. This was so horribly dated, taking jabs at Apple iPhones and Susan Boyle from X Factor/Pop Idol/Whatever Simon Cowell show. The vomiting/defecating goat was mildly amusing, but that was about it. Yet another plot from Mom? Meh 4/10

6.4 Proposition Infinity. Bender and Amy decide to hook up, which stirs up anti robosexuality hostility. Yawn. This was great with Fry and Lucy Liu a few seasons back. Amy and Bender together was just ridiculous. Again it felt dated as a jab against the US politics surrounding Proposition Eight and gay weddings. Another clunker 5/10

6.5 The Duh-Vinci Code. Fry discovers a secret document showing plans for an invention by Leonardo da Vinci. This triggers a search for the device, leading to the discovery that he built a spaceship to take him back home to his planet of alien super geniuses. The medieval robot got a laugh or two, but the rest of it was pretty mundane. 6/10

6.6 Lethal Inspection. After re enacting war games involving an invasion by Sith Lords, Bender discovers a fault in his mechanism, meaning if he dies he will not, as he supposed, download into a new body (very Battlestar Galactica). Freaking out, he recruits Hermes to find the bureaucrat who certified him as perfect to demand an explanation to his defect. The gags in this episode had me cracking up, possibly with relief that finally the show was going somewhere! The central bureaucrat office is entered by crossing a River Styx, and the offices are all linked together in a giant rubix cube assortment of cubicles. Following that, Bender and Hermes go off on all sorts of madcap adventures. The ending was prob predictable for most but I didn't see it and it actually invoked a little tear. Now THIS is what Futurama was like in s4 before they made the ridiculous decision to cancel! Hopefully it can sustain this and justify its resurrection. 9/10

The French vote to ban burkhas.

France has a population of 65 million. Maybe 5 million are muslim. A very rough guess quoted in the media says there are maybe 2,000 women wearing burkas in France. Yeah, this is a real good use of legislation, time and money. Never mind french muslim women suffering actual problems like domestic violence, forced genital mutilation, unemployment, acute racism, language difficulties, lack of opportunites, poor health linked to poverty etc etc. Let's just pander to the right wing and get an easy vote across to make it look like we stand for Liberté, égalité, fraternité.

Personally I do not believe they are required or even hinted at being required in Islam, but a ban is really just not very helpful. It will do nothing to aid genuinely downtrodden women, and will just be a rallying point for extremists and the PC brigade.

Tolkien explained - from The Silmarillion to The Hobbit to The Lord of the Rings.

I actually had a fair few web hits from my summary of Lost (though no comments - c'mon people, I can see you're reading the blog!) so thought I'd add a few more, since I actually quite enjoy writing these (great distraction from thesis writing). This one is about the history of Middle Earth. What I found vaguely frustrating was that a lot of people watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy of films would have no idea that there was a great deal of back history behind the story of which they would be completely unaware.

So here goes a summary of something between 10-20,000 years!

At the beginning of time:

Eru the One creates a race of angelic beings, lead by fifteen powerful entities known as the Valar, the Powers. The mightiest of their number falls from grace, seeking to undermine the Creator's plans, and is later given the name Morgoth, the Great Enemy of the world. He becomes the Prime Spirit of Evil. The Valar and their numerous angelic servants (including such as Gandalf and Saruman) are sent to shape part of the Universe into a world where the Creator's "children", Elves and Men, can act out their destinies. Morgoth corrupts many of the spirits to his side; fire spirits are transformed into demons of shadow and fire, the Balrogs. Sauron is a powerful angel who joins Morgoth to become his most trusted servant.

The First Age:

The Valar shape the world into sea and sky and land. Initially it is a perfect world, with western, eastern and immense central continents. Morgoth and his forces follow them and begin to wreak havok. Because Morgoth's powers are equal to the Valar, he is able to upset everything they do. Over time he puts much of his innate power into corrupting the very fabric of the world, so that everything is rendered imperfect and now capable of being used as least as much for evil as for good. The central continent, Middle Earth, is ravaged by the conflict. Eventually the Valar retreat to the western continent which they fortify. Here they bring about the best of their creation and purify all of the land, calling it Aman, the Blessed and Undying Land. The most marvellous of their works are the Two Living Trees of Light, which create silver and golden light that ennobles any who see it.

The Valar use the power of the Silver Tree to enhance the stars in the sky. This enriched starlight shines down, and awakens the Elves who were placed dormant in the northeast of Middle Earth. Unfortunately, Morgoth finds them and puts fear into many of them, and manages to corrupt some into the first of the Orcs. The Valar eventually find the Elves, and realise Morgoth is poisoning them. Therefore they marshall their forces and wage war. Because Morgoth has put much of his power into the earth, and seeks to rule as a tyrant, he is forced more and more to assume a physical form. Therefore he is caught and unable to flee in spirit form. His great fortress is destroyed, but in their haste the Valar do not decimate his forces, and Sauron is able to lead the retreat to his secondary base in the North west.

The Valar then make a grave mistake and interfere in Elven history by calling them to live in the West. This causes the elves to split into two. Those who refuse are called the Avari, the unwilling, and remain a more primitive people. Those who agree are called the Eldar, the people of the stars. The Eldar are made of up a smaller, medium and a very large tribe. The small and medium tribes reach the northwest shores of Middle Earth quickly, but the third, larger tribe takes its time. Along the journey many of them split off and decide to stay in Middle Earth. Because they never saw the Light of the Trees, they along with the Unwilling are called Dark Elves. Those who made it to Aman are called Light Elves.

The Valar dragged an island from Middle Earth to Aman to transport the first two tribes. The king of the third tribe, Thingol, went missing, so some of his people stayed behind, while the rest chose a new king and also passed to Aman. Eventually the king was found. Thingol had fallen in love with an angel, Melian, who had taken on corporeal form as an Elven woman. She stayed with Thingol as his wife, and they ruled those Eldar in the Northwest. Because of her divine knowledge, those Elves became more advanced than the other dark elves and were called Grey Elves. Eventually they discovered that the Dwarves had also emerged, the creation of one of the Valar, but given souls by Eru as His adopted children.


Morgoth was imprisoned for a long time. During that time, the three tribes of Eldar in Aman prospered, and learnt much from the Valar, and were rendered mighty by the light of the Trees. Feanor was the prince of the second tribe. He made many advances in elven knowledge; he created the Palantiri seeing stones given later to the Numenoreans. His greatest creation were the three jewels called the Silmarils, which captured the blended light of the Two Trees. Any who saw the holy jewels became enamoured of them.

Eventually Morgoth's prison term ended, and because the Valar did not understand the depths of his evil, they believed his pleas for forgiveness. Over time he sowed discontent in Aman, especially among the second tribe. Eventually his grand plans came to fruition. He killed the king of the second tribe, stole the silmarils, destroyed the Two Trees and escaped back to Middle Earth.

Feanor grieved over his father's murder and cursed the Valar for inaction. Poisoned by Morgoth's words and full of innate arrogance, he led a rebellion and summoned most of his people to return to wage war on Morgoth. The Valar had no right to stop them, but also refused to aid their return. Therefore they asked the third tribe, who had learnt the art of sailing and shipbuilding, to help. They refused, so the rebels resorted to force, and ended up killing many of their fellow Elves. For staining Aman with the blood of innocents, the second tribe was cursed by the Valar and doomed to exile. They left and sailed to pursue Morgoth to the Northwest of Middle Earth. By this time Morgoth had returned to his secondary fortress which Sauron had prepared for him. The second tribe made alliance with the grey elves and waged war on Morgoth. Feanor died in the first battle. Their combined power forced Morgoth to hide with his armies, but was not strong enough to break in or retrieve the silmarils. The alliance was strained when the Grey elves discovered their fellow elves of the third tribe had died at the hands of the second tribe.

The Valar meanwhile put enchantments to conceal Aman so none could enter. They attempted to heal the Trees, but without the silmarils they failed. They used the last of the silver tree to make the Moon, and the golden tree to make the Sun. The sunlight was so powerful it put fear in Morgoth, and his orcs refused to walk out during the day. The Sun also had the side effect of accelerating the wearing and ageing in the mortal lands. All the elves in Middle Earth began to feel the passage of time more strongly. The Sun also awakened the dormant humans in the south of Middle Earth. Morgoth was able to leave his fortress one last time to find the first humans, and corrupt them from worship of Eru to fear of the Dark. For this they fell from grace. A minority rebelled against this, and sought out the rumours of Light that the wandering dark elves told them existed in the west. Several human tribes eventually came to the northwest, where they learnt they could never reach Aman. They formed their own kingdoms in alliance with the Light Elves and Grey Elves, which held Morgoth's power in check for centuries.

Thingol and Melian's daughter carried the blood of the divine and of the Elves, and she married a human hero. They alone recovered one of the silmarils from Morgoth. When the human hero died, the Creator intervened for the first time, and allowed them to both live as mortals. Another human prince and elven princess married. From these unions came Earendil and Elwing, who were the parents of Elrond and Elros. Humans are mortal; when they die, their souls escape and move on beyond the world. In the beginning they could rest from life of their own choice, and move onto the next life. But Morgoth taught them to fear death, so now they struggle to live on until they die of old age or disease. The Elves by contrast are bound to the world, and do not age, but remain. In middle earth under the sun, the centuries begin to wear down on them until they fade away. If they are killed through accident or violence then their souls are summoned by the Valar for recorporealisation or rebirth. The halfelven were later given a choice of which racial destiny to choose.

Eventually, through power and cunning, the fraying of the alliance of the Elves, the introduction of evil human tribes, and creation of Dragons, Morgoth smashed the Elven and human kingdoms aside. All of the Northwest fell under his domination. Earendil and Elwing used the power of the Silmaril to pass the enchantments on the western seas and reach Aman itself. There they begged for forgiveness of the Second Tribe, and mercy for the Grey Elves and Humans who had done no wrong. The Valar summoned all their forces and waged a final war. The sheer power of this conflict ruined the entire northwest, but most of the dragons, balrogs and other creatures of Morgoth were wiped out. Morgoth was captured and executed in his corporeal form so that his broken spirit was cast out of the material world. Unfortunately the last two silmarils were lost to the depths of the sea and earth, meaning the paradise of the Two Trees could never be restored. Earendil and his silmaril were set in the sky and later called Earendil's star. Light from this star was later captured in the phial that Galadriel gave to Frodo Baggins during his sojourn in Lorien.

The Second Age:

The Valar forgave the Rebels and invited them home, as well as the Grey Elves, with the exception of Galadriel who refused to repent (although she herself had not committed murder, she did not want to return to live under the Valar's rule). Many Light and Grey elves left for Aman, but many others stayed. Gil Galad was their king. The half elven children were given a choice of which race to belong to. Elrond becomes a powerful Elf, allied to Gil Galad. Elros becomes mortal and king of the humans who were loyal to the Elves. The Valar then make their second grave mistake, by interfering in human history. They transform Elros and his people into the most powerful of humans, enhancing their lifespans. They create an island, Numenor, halfway between Aman and Middle Earth. The elves and angels teach the Numenoreans great knowledge.

In middle earth, Sauron remained as a wandering spirit. He sought to replace his defeated master but lacked his power. He realised he could trick the Elves into helping him. Gil Galad, Elrond and Galadriel all refused to talk to him, even in his disguised state. The grandson of Feanor however did ally with Sauron. He tapped their desire to remain in Middle Earth as the superior race but also enjoy the grace, healing and power they had in Aman. That great community of Light Elves combined their power with Sauron to create 16 Rings of Power, which enhanced the wearer's innate powers. But they were all tainted with Sauron's darkness. Sauron then left, to build his powerbase in Mordor. While he was gone, the Elves made three more rings which were free of his taint, and were made not for war or power but for enhancing rest and defence against the weariness of the passing of time. Sauron put all of his power into making the Master Ring, which could rule the wearers of the other 19 rings. Through them he would conquer the entire Elven nation. It allowed him to see and dominate the minds of his enemies and was a mighty weapon of war. It also ensured all that Sauron wrought with the Ring was impossible to fully destroy. The Elves realised his plan immediately and stopped the use of their rings. Sauron then summoned all forces of evil remaining and waged war. He destroyed the elven nations and captured the 16 rings, but not the last 3. Sauron and the Elves struggled for control of the north of middle earth for years. It was not until the Numenoreans joined the Elves that Sauron was pushed back.

The Numenoreans by this point had become a mighty nation, drunk with power and arrogant beyond belief. They assembled the largest army ever seen and challenged Sauron. Realising that he could not win by force, Sauron gave himself up. It was not long before he bewitched the king of Numenor to become his adviser. Over the years, he corrupted them from within, and incited them to rebel against the Valar, insinuating the Powers' immortality came from living in the immortal lands of Aman, when the truth was that Aman was blessed only by the presence of the Valar. The Numenoreans created a vast armada and invaded Aman. Since they could not act directly against the children of the Creator, the Valar gave up their rule of the world and asked the Creator to intervene. Eru removed Aman from the mortal plane of existence, wiped out the Numenorean invasion force and sank Numenor into the sea. Sauron was caught up in its destruction, his original physical form destroyed. His spirit fled back to Mordor, where with the power of the Ring he rendered himself a new form imitating the original Dark Lord Morgoth. But he lost the power to seduce or bewitch through trickery.

A minority of Numenoreans who stayed loyal to Eru and the Valar were allowed to escape. Their king formed a Northern Kingdom in Middle Earth, their two princes a Southern Kingdom. But it was only a few years before Sauron had reorganised his forces and waged war again. Gil Galad and the Numenoreans made the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, but spent 7 years fighting Sauron's forces. Gil galad, the human king and the younger prince all died. The elder prince managed to cut the Ring off Sauron's hand, causing his physical shell to collapse and his forces to be left in disarray. His armies were defeated and Mordor was ruined.


The Third Age:

The prince took the One Ring, but was ambushed later by fleeing Orcs and died. The ring fell into a river and was lost. Both human kingdoms prospered for a while. The elves withdrew, losing contact with most humans. Unable to do much more than dwell on the past, they used the power of the Three Rings to create refuges where they could live in peace, sheltered from the weariness of the passing of time. Elrond wielded one ring in Rivendell, Galadriel another in Lorien.

Seven Rings had been given to Dwarves, but although their evil nature brought ruin the Rings could not dominate the Dwarves to serve Sauron's will. so he reclaimed some, and the rest were lost. Nine rings were given to various human leaders, three of them Numenoreans. THey proved easy to corrupt. THe rings gave them enhanced life and power but eventually transformed them into the Ringwraiths under Sauron's power. In his absence, they fought the Northern Kingdom which had already self destructed in civil war. An alliance with Elrond's forces was too late to save the Kingdom, but the RIngwraiths were eventually driven off and defeated for a time. The kingdom was gone, but the royal family remained in exile, their people becoming a nomadic group called the Rangers who kept the North safe. Hobbits, descended from a diminutive group of humans, lived in the North in the Shire and eventually forgot the Kingdom.

The Ringwraiths moved south to Mordor, and organised war against the southern kingdom. Skirmishes went on and on, and eventually the king was killed leaving no heirs. THe Kingdom survived under the rule of stewards.

At this point the Valar realised Sauron was still extant and would never be entirely defeated. Wanting to help but not wishing to repeat their mistakes of direct intervention, they decided to send emissaries. THey picked five of their servants to go in the guise of old men, wizards, who could advise the races but not dominate them, nor directly challenge the power of Sauron. The aim was to help the races to help themselves.

Two wizards, the Blue Wizards Pallando and Alatar, went into the eastern realms. Either they were murdered, or they betrayed their mission and set up magic cults , or perhaps they did succeed, and raised rebellions which kept the vast eastern human forces from joining Sauron. Radagast the Brown failed his mission, becoming more interested in the study of the flora and fauna and not doing much to aid in the war. Saruman became a vast force for evil. It was only Gandalf who truly attended to his task and was vital to ending Sauron's threat.

Most of the elves and all the humans did not realise the true nature of the wizards. One elf did, and realised Gandalf was the truest and most noble of them. Therefore he gave Gandalf the last of the pure Three Rings, to enhance Gandalf and give him the power to inspire others. Saruman learnt of this later and was enraged, since he thought as leader of the wizards he himself should have been given a Ring of Power.

At this point an evil force called the Necromancer formed in the forests. The Elves and wizards assumed it was merely a ringwraith, but Gandalf suspected Sauron was returning. Unfortunately by this point, Saruman had become corrupted, wanting to become a power himself. He spent all his time studying Sauron and the Rings, and tried to find out where the One Ring had been lost. Gandalf risked his life to prove the Necromancer was Sauron returned, and eventually Saruman agreed to attacking. Sauron retreated and returned to Mordor and openly declared himself. Saruman used one of the Seeing Stones of Feanor to spy, not realising Sauron had captured one such stone. Saruman, already weakend by his own pettiness and corrupted nature, was an easy target for Sauron to seduce to his side. Sauron did not entirely realise Saruman himself sought to become a new dark lord, either by finding the ring or creating his own Master Ring to destroy and replace Sauron.

No one realised the Ring had been found by a hobbit later called Gollum, who lived for centuries in the mountains, twisted into an evil creature by the taint of the Ring. Gandalf, seeking to revive the power of the dwarves and get a dragon destroyed, took a hobbit named Bilbo on a quest to defeat the dragon. It was his fate to find the ring and take it from Gollum. The dragon was killed and the dwarven kingdom restored, ensuring that if Sauron did return he would not have an ally in the north. Gandalf wondered at the ring Bilbo had. By now not entirely trusting Saruman, Gandalf spent years doing his own research. He eventually figured out the ring was truly the One Ring. By then it had passed onto Bilbo's nephew Frodo.

Sauron also learnt of the ring ,and sent his spies and Ringwraiths to reclaim it. At this point Saruman betrayed Gandalf by imprisoning him, seeking to find and claim the ring himself. Gandalf escaped, and the hobbits got the ring safely to Elrond. A council there decided only by destroying the ring could Sauron be truly defeated.

Unable to take a direct route through the mountains, they went under them via the lost dwarven realm of Moria. There, they encountered a Balrog demon. Gandalf, as an angel, was able to challenge the demon, but the struggle destroyed them both. His mortal shell killed, Gandalf's spirit drifted. At this point Eru intervened directly, resurrecting Gandalf in his mortal body. The experience rendered him more powerful than before, going from grey to Gandalf the White.

Saruman sought to capture the ring but failed. He marshalled the armies of evil men and orcs to cut off the Southern Kingdom from its allies, but aroused the wrath of the Ents, creatures made long ago by the Valar to tend to the forests. Saruman's forces were defeated and his power was destroyed by gandalf, ending his threat. He was later murdered by his own servant, and his spirit was left to roam as a wandering ghost, exiled from Aman for his treachery.

Gandalf and the last remaining descendant of the kings of Numenor came to the southern Kingdom and helped it challenge Sauron. The leader of the ringwraiths was killed, and Sauron's inital invasion force destroyed. The allies then challenged Mordor but were vastly outnumbered by Sauron's second wave of troops. All of this completely distracted Sauron from even comprehending that the allies had no intention of using the Ring as a weapon of war to fight him, but were sneaking it into Mordor to destroy it. Frodo the hobbit bore the burden of the Ring all the way to Mount Doom where it was made, but at the last fell under its power. Gollum at that point recaptured the Ring, but fell into the volcano, destroying himself and the Ring. Sauron's spirit was devastated and sent howling into the wilderness. Everything he had ever built and rebuilt collapsed, the ringwraiths were decimated, and his armies scattered.


Fourth Age:

With the one ring gone, the elves were no longer under threat of Sauron dominating them. But all they had built fell apart, for the Three Rings lost their power when the One was destroyed. The Northern and Southern kingdoms were reunited under their king, and the realms had peace. Most of the remaining Light and Grey Elves chose to leave Middle Earth, and were allowed by the Valar to reach the hidden lands of Aman. Gandalf left, his mission complete. Frodo was allowed to go too, after suffering so many tortures and wounds during his mission which left his life too painful to live. In Aman he could live a peaceful life for and be healed before dying. The elves who stayed in Middle Earth eventually faded away, as did the dwarves, while Humanity expanded to fill the world which fell under the Dominion of Men.

My new phone

That dreaded time approached, when mobile phone contracts expire and you have to trawl through the latest phones and deals to see what to go for. Some people cannot wait for it, to go and find the latest gadget. Me, I can't stand it. The last time was January 2009, when my current contract expired and I was suddenly bumped onto a £40/month contract with no warning! I just did not have the time or energy to look around so plumped for an awful upgrade to 200 min and 200 texts per month plus a free Samsung Tocco - for £25 a month! The phone was a disaster and I just about survived on the minutes. I got rid of the phone on ebay and went back to my prehistoric Sony Ericcson k800i.

I was resolved to not commit the same mistake this year once my 18 month contract was over. Did a fair bit of research, dumped my old provider 02 when they refused to offer me a decent renewal (after five years of loyalty!) and switched to Orange. I just hope the future really is bright, because I've got a 2 year contract with them. £30 a month for 500min and unlimited texts and internet (in fact 3000 texts and 500Mb).

The phone I got free was the HTC Desire. A geek friend of mine recommended I go for a Google Android style phone, since I had an iPod Touch and did not want to get an iPhone. The Desire is quite flash. It has a touchscreen. You can slip through five main screens - one has the menu button and a giant clock with the weather report; the others vary from email access to favourite numbers and can be customised. The menu button gives you access to all the programs, which you can supplement by downloading new apps from the Google store (I've yet to find any worth getting, but then i don't rate many Apple apps either to be honest).

Sound quality is fair but not superb. THe touchscreen is very responsive, predictive texting is quite good. Battery life is decent, depending on how much of the apps you use (be warned - leaving the wireless internet access switched on is incredibly battery intensive). Internet speeds are pretty good. When the phone starts ringing, the ringtone reduces volume dramatically once it senses you have picked the phone up, which is rather sensible. The text messages took getting used to - it stores them in the form of conversations like gmail does, rather than in inbox and sent boxes, which is rather sensible. It can even read pdf files. Photo and camera quality are ok but not brilliant, it seems to have problems dealing with bright light sources, but maybe I just need to play with the functions and settings more. It can sync your contacts and calendars with your Gmail and download info from facebook, and has a FriendsStream app giving you all the latest facebook and Twitter updates. I haven't really tried the mp3 or radio functions.

All in all a fun flash smartphone. I just hope it is hardy enough to last 2 years. I have already bought a pouch to keep it safe.....

Lost

It's been over a month since the series ended. I'm still in withdrawal mode :(

It was an amazing series in terms of music and mythology and WTF moments and plot twists. The problem is that a lot of plotlines don't make sense. Head over to the Lostpedia forum
and you'll see the arguments are still raging on. Overall I'd have to give the series 8/10. Series 6 really let it down and the lack of answers to several mysteries left me irritated, but it was still an amazing experience over the last 6 years!

For those wondering what actually happened, this is my very long explanation for the events of the show:

The island contains at least 3 large pockets of electromagnetic energy which have exotic and mystical qualities. In the past, a group of ancient humans found the Island, somehow realised its potential, and tried to release the energy by digging a hole in the cave where the largest EM pocket was. This was catastrophic, and nearly destroyed the island until the breach in the Source Cave was sealed with a stone cork. Enough of the energy slowly leaked out as the Light, which mixed with the island waters and gave the island its magical powers.

At some point, one of these ancients was merged with the power of the island to become its first Protector. The Protector gains certain gifts - they stop ageing, and can alter people's destinies to bring them to the island, or ensure they never reach the island. They can also enforce certain rules that are binding upon people's fate, and have the gift of foresight. All of these abilities have undefined limits.

The first Protector we saw was Mother, who may possibly have also been a Smoke Monster, or had control of one. As she tired of her duties, a ship was wrecked on the island (possibly brought to the island by Mother on purpose). Mother rescued one survivor, a pregnant woman named Claudia. After Claudia gave birth to twins (Jacob and MIB) she was murdered by Mother, who raised the boys as her own. She instigated her own Island Rules to ensure the 2 men could not harm each other. She moulded them to be Candidates as her replacement, but Claudia's ghost spoke to MIB, who was special and had an affinity for the island, and convinced him to go find the other shipwreck survivors. MIB abandoned Mother, but Jacob stayed behind.

MIB used his insight into the island and the cleverness of claudia's people to find the EM pockets on the island, but was unable to find the Source cave since Mother had somehow hidden it from view. He somehow learnt to mix the Light and Water together using a wheel, which he planned to use to teleport off the island. Mother found out, panicked, destroying his device and wiping out his village. She realised MIB would never replace her so had to settle for her 2nd choice, Jacob, who was forced to succeed her. MIB then murdered Mother, who seemed grateful, as if she wanted to die. Jacob was enraged, and tried to harm his brother in revenge by casting him into the Source cave, even though Mother had warned him this was a fate worse than death. Since MIB could not be killed directly by Jacob, his soul was instead transformed in the Smoke Monster, leaving his body behind. The Monster, in addition to being a terrible destructive force, can appear as any dead person, gaining their knowledge and memories, and can scan the thoughts of the living. It also seems to have certain powers over the dead, in some cases resurrecting them, and is linked to a corrupting Sickness that causes irrational behaviour.

Jacob then spent centuries keeping the Monster bound to the island and protecting the Source cave, belieiving that if it was damaged, all life on Earth would die, and that if the Monster escaped the island, it would destroy humanity. The monster continued to believe humans were essentially evil, and was enraged by its prison. Jacob tried to convince the monster was wrong, by bringing others to the island. One group was related to the ancient Egyptians, and built the Temple and Statue, completed the Wheel mechanism, and possibly worshipped the Monster. They either destroyed themselves or were wiped out by the Monster. Jacob brought others, including the Black Rock, but everyone was killed. It was only when a slave, Richard Alpert, joined his side that Jacob had any success, despite the Monster's attempt to use Richard as a tool to kill Jacob. Richard was rendered immortal, and began to construct a society of Others who would prove Jacob was right about humanity.

Jacob realised the Monster would one day figure out a way to kill him, so began to look for his own Candidates. He did not approve of how Mother chose him, so he used the LightHouse to find people who were flawed, and lonely and directionless. He occasionally left the island to touch them so their destinies were altered to bring them to the island; Jacob's touch also prevented his Candidates from committing suicide, and prevented the Monster from being able to directly kill them. One by one they all died by circumstance or by the machinations of the Monster.

Meanwhile, the US army found the island in the 1950s and were prevented from testing a nuclear weapon by the Others. The Dharma Initiative discovered a smaller EM energy pocket in the USA, and constructed the Lamp Post facility to use it to find other EM pockets, leading them to the island. They sent a large team there to investigate, coming into conflict with the Others. They dug into the ground and damaged another EM pocket, which could have destroyed the island. This damage altered the island's energies, making it impossible to conceive and bear children on the island. Dharma was able to build a Hatch to safely release the EM energy in small doses.

By 1989 or 1992, Jacob tired of the Dharma Initiative putting the island at risk, and had them wiped out. Ben Linus and Ethan Rom defected from Dharma to join the Others. Not long after, a French expedition found the island, but was mostly wiped out or Infected with madness by the Monster. The survivor, Danielle Rousseau, gave birth to a daughter, Alex, who was kidnapped by Ben. Since the Others could not reproduce on the island, they were forced to supplement their numbers by kidnapping children or recruiting adults from the rest of the world. Their leader, Charles Widmore, was expelled from leadership of the Others by Ben, for breaking the rules by having children off the island and consorting with non islanders to begin his empire. Widmore became obsessed with returning to the island one day and getting rid of Ben.

Desmond Hume, a man in love with Widmore's daughter Penny, was influenced to land on the island. He replaced the last remaining Dharma member, and began pressing the button in the Hatch which controlled the EM leak from the damage the Dharma had done. In 2004 he neglected his task, just in time to drag down Flight 815. Many of the survivors were Candidates for replacing Jacob. The Monster began to investigate the survivors and formed a plan.

One candidate in particular, John Locke, formed a special bond with the island. Tricked by the Monster into thinking the Hatch was a sham, he tried to break its mechanism, putting the island at risk of detonating. Desmond was forced to take a huge risk and trigger a self destruct, imploding the pocket and absorbing the EM energies. This triggered a series of time flashes, where he drifted into his own past and attempted to prevent his arrival on the island, until prevented by a woman named Eloise Hawking, who wanted to ensure Desmond's timeline remained intact.

The detonation of the Hatch alerted both Penelope and Charles Widmore to the current location of the island. Charles Widmore sent a team on a Freighter to kill everyone on the island and secure it for himself. Many of the Losties attempted to make contact with the Freighter team until they realised the danger they were in, and ended up allying with the Others against them. In the end, the freighter was destroyed, and only a handful of Losties escaped the island and made it back to civilisation. They then lied about their experiences to prevent Widmore or others from further attempts to locate the island or put their friends left behind at risk.

To save the island, Locke attempted to make contact with Jacob. He and Ben were tricked into meeting the Smoke Monster, instead, who had assumed the shape of the deceased Christian Shephard, claiming to speak on Jacob's behalf. The Monster had already claimed Claire who had died in an attack from the Freighter team. The Monster told Locke to move the island using the Wheel he himself had designed. However, Ben turned the wheel first, moving the island, teleporting himself to Tunisia, and causing the Losties to be sent out of synch with time. Neither Claire nor the Others were affected by this.

The time travelling Losties jumped into several time periods. One was 1954, where Locke met Richard Alpert and then vanished, misleading RIchard into believing Locke was predestined to be a special leader of the Others. Another was 2007, where Richard was again mislead into telling Locke he needed to bring the escaped Losties back to the island, and himself needing to die. Finally, in the distant past, the Monster told Locke to turn the wheel again. This caused the time travellers to settle down in one time period - 1974, when Dharma was on the island and in conflict with the Others. Locke was sent to Tunisia in 2007.

Locke was assisted by Charles Widmore in trying get the Losties who had escaped to return to the island, but failed. In despair, he attempted to commit suicide, further motivated by the fact that he thought he had to die to serve the island. Since Candidates cannot commit suicide, fate brought Ben Linus to him in time to save him. However, once Locke let slip some vital information, Ben murdered Locke, no longer needing him.

Ben then used Locke's suicide and other techniques into getting the survivors back together. Jack Shephard's life had fallen apart for several reasons - learning that Claire, left behind on the island, was his half sister; failing to bring up Claire's son Aaron with Kate; believing he had seen his father's ghost; dependency on drugs. Kate had been taking care of Claire's son Aaron, but was threatened by Ben with exposure that she had lied in her court trial and would have Aaron taken away. She realised she needed to go find Claire and bring her back to her son. Hurley was in despair, his gift to see the dead manifesting in full and driving him insane, until a visiting Jacob told him it was a gift not a curse and that he needed to help his friends. Jacob also visited Sayid, potentially saving sayid's life while allowing Sayid's wife to die. Sayid was tricked by Ben into murdering many of Widmore's people but then refused to go to the island. Jacob then went to an old ally, Ilana, and told her she needed to make sure all the remaining Candidates went back to the island and were protected. She ensured Sayid was taken back. Sun went back to find out if her husband Jin was in fact still alive.

Thanks to the information Ben took from Locke before murdering him, they all went to visit Eloise Widmore, who told them the only way back to the island was to replicate Flight 815 using proxies. They attempted to do this, but their attempt was not precise enough. As the island grabbed at the plane to bring it down, Jack, Kate, Hurley and Sayid were sent to 1977 while the rest of the plane was left in 2007.

The time travellers encountered their friends living in Dharma. Sayid attempted to alter history by murdering a teenage Ben, but only wounded him. When Ben was taken to the Others for healing in the Temple, it altered his character, removed his memories of the time travelers, and cemented his relationship with the Others, ensuring history went as it was supposed to. One of the Losties, Daniel Faraday son of Charles Widmore and Eloise Hawking, and an expert in time travel, decided he too would alter history. By using a nuclear bomb left by the US army in the 1950s, he would neutralise the EM energy on the island damaged by Dharma. This would remove the need for the Hatch, meaning Desmond would never cause Flight 815 to crash on the island, negating the entire series of events. He stormed in the Others' camp, demanding to get to the bomb, but was shot by his own mother, Eloise. As he died, he realised his mother had orchestrated his arrival on the island in 2004, knowing full well he would die in the past.

The Eloise of 1977 was alarmed to be told she had murdered her future son, and attempted to help the Losties carry out their plan to change history. In fact, all they did was ensure history went as it always had to. Dharma had already dug into the island's EM pocket, triggering a disastrous Incident. By detonating the nuclear bomb, the Losties ensured the energy was temporarily neutralised. This gave Dharma enough time to construct the Hatch which would then safely control the damaged energies from 1977 until 2004 when Desmond detonated the failsafe. Eloise left the Others, and inherited the journal of her son, using its information and knowledge of the future to ensure the time loop was preserved. In this way the island was kept safe. In 2004 she ensured her son went to the island on the Freighter, so that he would be sent to 1974. By 2007 she had no further knowledge of events and had completed her duty to the island, even though it meant she had sacrificed the life of her son. If she had not, the Losties would not have detonated the bomb, and the Incident would likely have destroyed the island and the world. The bomb also sent the Losties forward in time to 2007.

On the island in 2007, the Monster assumed the shape of John Locke, tricking people into thinking his corpse had been brought back to life. He tricked Ben and Richard into bringing him to Jacob, and incited ben into hating Jacob enough to kill him. Jacob and the Monster were playing their game for the soul of humanity even then, but Jacob failed yet again as Ben murdered him, circumventing Mother's Rules that the Monster could not directly harm Jacob.

The Monster's identity was exposed by Ilana, so it went off to recruit followers. A dying Sayid was recognised as a Candidate by the Others at the Temple who attempted to use the Temple's healing waters to save him. WIth the death of Jacob, the Monster had corrupted the Temple, and resurrected Sayid in a corrupt and Sickened state. Sayid was influenced by the Monster into murdering the Protector of the Temple, allowing the Monster to massacre the Others. He left alive the few who had joined his side, along with the corrupted Claire and Sayid. Eventually Hurley, Jack, Kate, Sun and Sawyer joined with him in attempting to leave the island. Charles Widmore came to the island and did everything he could to frustrate the Monster. He put explosives on the Ajira plane, and kidnapped Jin to use his knowledge from Dharma to find the EM pockets on the island. He also brought Desmond, wanting to use him to manipulate the EM energy. The Monster used subterfuge to eliminate Sun and Jin and wiped out Widmore's team. Widmore revealed he had been contacted by Jacob and convinced into abandoning his own schemes to save the island, but was then murdered by Ben to avenge the murder of Ben's adopted daughter, Alex Rousseau.

Even after his death, Jacob's rules remained in place. The Monster could not harm the candidates directly, nor could it leave the island if any candidates were alive. With sayid dead, claire abandoning him and the remaining Others scattered, the Monster turned to Ben to aid him in finding Desmond and using him to destroy the island. Ben agreed, but was in fact only playing along long enough until he could figure out how to outmaneuvre the indestructible and cunning Monster.

Jacob was able to resurrect himself using his own ashes long enough to talk to his remaining four candidates. He asked them to choose willingly to replace him, unlike the way Mother imposed the job on him. Jack, changed by his experiences and feeling guilt over the wreck of his life, and the deaths of Locke and Juliet, agreed to do the work. He became the new Protector, and Jacob disappeared forever.

Jack and the Monster confronted each other and agreed to go together to the Source Cave with Desmond. Desmond removed the stone Cork, undoing the source and triggering the island to fall apart. At that point, the power of the Island was undone. The Rules keeping the Monster bound to the island fell apart, but the Monster was rendered mortal again. Jack and Kate succeeded in killing the Monster in its mortal form, ending its threat forever. Ben and Hurley agreed to help Jack save the island as the rest of them went to the plane. Kate convinced Claire into coming home to Aaron. Kate would be in trouble for breaking the law in leaving the US, and Claire would have to reveal she had not died 3 years ago, as would Sawyer. Richard presumably used the leftover power and money of the Others to create a life for himself off island. Miles presumably went back to his old life.

Jack went into the Source cave and helped Desmond escape, and then put the stone Cork back, sealing the breach and restoring the Light emanating from the EM source. This saved the island, but lethal exposure to the EM energy and the wounds suffered from fighting the Monster resulted in Jack's death. Before dying, Jack chose Hurley to be the new Protector. Hurley asked Ben to act as his advisor in protecting the island. With no Monster to worry about, Hurley was able to use the island in a very different way to Jacob, to help people. He used the island's influence to allow Desmond to go home to his wife and child.

Over time, each of the remaining characters died. As they all died, they entered a construct they formed with their minds, a false mirror of their previous lives, where they tried to imagine what their lives might have been like under better circumstances without the influence of the island. Some were happier, some were not. Eventually they all found each other and remembered their past lives. As a group they overcame the grief and hurts of their lives, and then moved on into whatever comes after death.

No gym this week :*(

Gym has been going really well. I'm in the middle of Phase 2 of Eric Cressey's Maximum Strength, getting used to all the new workout styles (front squats, box squats, rack pulls, rotator cuff work, lots of unilateral leg work, cluster sets, speed work).

Unfortunately I managed to hurt my lower back 2 weeks ago, through some rather poor deadlifting technique. It seemed to be ok, but now it seems to be getting sore again. Taking a week off the gym to let it recover. I considered going to the dr, but I don't think they are going to say much other than rest it and take anti inflammatory drugs (of which I might try buying some tomorrow). Really annoying to be out of the gym, hopefully I've learnt my lesson, and I just hope my back heals itself soon. I'm stretching it and using a tennis ball and foam roller for some self myofascial release.

I've been working

That's my excuse for no updates recently. But the stats say people are still visiting occasionally, so I oughta at least say hi!

I took some time off at Christmas to write up. The only problem is, that I got very little writing done. Partly this was because of writers block. Ask anyone who has done their PhD. It's insanely difficult to get started on your thesis. It just looms over you, like an unborn monolith.

Of course, realising I hadn't as yet finished playing Mass Effect on the XBox 360 had nothing to do with it. This is the first game, not the recent sequel. I actually purchased it over a year ago, but got bored fairly quickly. I decided I ought to give it another shot, especially since I'm too poor to buy any new games at the moment. Once I got into it, I actually really enjoyed it. You control a character named Shepherd (first name, gender and appearance can be chosen at will; there are also quite a few options in picking his/her past history which influences how other characters relate to you). It's a scifi RPG, where you basically play a soldier who has been chosen to represent humanity at a very high level in galactic politics. It's your job to figure out why a highly decorated alien supersoldier has gone AWOL. As you progress through the game, you can pick up allies. Each mission lets you take two such allies along, allowing you to pick which sorts of skills you want to complement your own. You can either follow lots of side plots, or carry through the main mission, which follows a standard plot of uncovering the history of an ancient alien race, wiped out by an even more powerful and ancient alien race. It's still v gripping and exciting. I did find driving the MAKO allterrain vehicle incredibly annoying, and all the bases and derelict ship interiors look identical. The romance subplots were amusing.

Still, I am now finally in the groove of writing my thesis. Of course, I promised my supervisor I would hand in the first three chapters by today - I've only handed in one, half finished the second, not even started the third. Eek!

I'm still working in the lab, so here's a treat for you. This is an important figure from my future thesis. I'm interested in investigating a certain protein, which we shall call X. In order to see how X works, it's useful to know what other proteins X plays with. To do that, I am using antibodies that recognise X, in a reaction called an Immunoprecipitation. Basically, you take cells grown in cell culture labs, break them up to release all their proteins, and then incubate them with your antibody which is stuck to tiny little beads. You then remove the cell proteins and keep the beads. Hopefully the antibody on the beads has grabbed your protein out, along with all other proteins that interact with Protein X. You then spread them out on an acrylamide gel, and use silver to make them visible.

The pic shows in the right hand lane a very dark band representing my protein, and lots of lighter bands, representing potential proteins that work with my protein X.

I refuse to post pics of snow

The UK has been hit by rather unusual levels of snow the last few weeks. Other countries might scoff at how badly we're coping, but we're just not used to it, and have no money invested in dealing with prolonged snow and ice because it rarely snows at all in most of England.

My poor mother has been practically housebound, not daring to risk a repeat of an incident a few years ago where she slipped on some ice right outside our house and broke her foot, leaving her unable to walk properly for almost 2 months. I must confess, the thought of her falling and breaking her hip has been preying on my mind.

So no pics of snow from me because everyone and their dog has posted it. But here's an unusual sight I passed on the way home - someone decided to string up a load of soft toy puppies on a tree, like a macabre offering to some deity to end the winter freeze.

Death and politics

For some time now, the small town of Wootton Bassett has paid respect to fallen British soldiers, whose bodies are being returned from battle in Afghanistan and Iraq via the town to a mortuary. Recently, several muslims from a group called Islam4UK decided they wanted to use the town to make their own anti war protest march.

This is what someone had to say about it on one forum:

"I have to say that after listening to his sh.it I've never felt more like picking up a gun and killing some f.ucking muslim c.unts! Mainly the ones that will be with him on his little parade...... then the rest of em.

F.uck em."

Islam4UK is a fringe group which probably has less than 100 members, out of almost 2 million muslims in the UK. Its leader has had his organisations banned one by one for promoting or glorifying terrorism. Nonetheless they have managed to garner immense amounts of media attention.

"Why aren't mainstream muslims speaking up, if they're opposed?" The same, tired old arguments are being wheeled out. They are speaking out - the media just isn't interested because it doesn't make as juicy a story. Oh and look, there's even a facebook group protesting against Islam4UK. That will really show those evil muslims that we mean business.

No right thinking muslim would want to use occasions of grief as an opportunity to make some cheap political point. Most british muslims are against the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, to differing extents and for different reasons. Sadly, our stock has fallen so low, our reputations become so tarnished, that anyone will now believe anything of us, no matter how low or inhuman. Now more than ever, it is incumbent upon every muslim to make that extra effort to reach out to their fellow human beings and remind them we are here and that we are not all filled with hate and nihilistic violence.

The latest conspiracy story is about Google. If you type in "Christianity is" into the Google search box, it starts generating the most common predictable search requests. Yet if you type "Islam is" you get nothing. People are up in arms, claiming that there's a conspiracy to appease those dangerous violent muslims. Google says it's just a programming bug. Which do you think is more plausible? If Google really wanted to deceive people, why not generate options like "Islam is a good religion", rather than deleting the entire predictive text option?

New Year Resolutions

Ok so they don't have a good press. Plus why pick that date; the Islamic New Year technically started a few weeks ago. Regardless, I'm going to pick this opportunity to make some goals:

1) Get my thesis done on time. That's not a goal really, that's just a matter of survival - September 2010

2) Stick to training even when I'm distracted and stressed at work. More specifically, I want my weight back to go past my previous heaviest (74.5kg) and up towards 80kg. I want to beat my squat and deadlift pb of 95kg and 120kg for reps, respectively, and to get my bench to something almost vaguely respectable, let's say 75kg. I also want to commit to regular stretching and mobility work (Eric cressey kinda stuff).

3) Be organised and efficient! Go to bed earlier, turn the computer off by 22:30, be in bed by 23:00. Get things for the next day ready the night before so I'm not tripping over stuff trying to find them in the morning.

4) Eating enough food every day. Not rushing through breakfast. Getting plenty of water in. Making more of an effort to get a serving or 3 of fruit EVERY day.

5) Start writing more on this blog, even if it's just a training log.

Looking at 2010 with both hope and fear in equal measure

Well it's crunch time. I have less than 9 months left to submit my PhD thesis. Eek! I'm at home right now writing. Or maybe that should be "writing." I have complete writer's block. My secondary supervisor said a few weeks ago "At least you're not afraid of writing, so that's one issue you won't have to deal with." That's true, but I still HATE thesis writing! I enjoy writing, just not about my own work.

Of course if I enjoy writing so much, why have I neglected this blog? According to Lijit, people are still visiting, so hey! *waves electronically at internet people.*

Training wise, I am currently on a 20 rep squats program, which looks like this:

Squats: 1x20
Dbell Pullover: 1x20
StiffLeg Deadlifts: 1x15
Dips: 2x10
1 Arm Rows (I don't like BORs): 2x10
Abs and core stuff

The idea is to pick a weight you can squat for 10 reps - and do 20 reps. So you do 10 reps, wait a few seconds, then force a few more reps out, start breathing heavy, force few more reps out, start swearing from the pain, and finish the set, all without racking the bar. Since nowadays I normally squat 72.5kgx6, I started at 50kgx20, and have worked up to 70kgx20. I want to get to 72.5kgx20 and then leave it, and finally switch to Eric Cressey again.

All I need to sort out are my eating habits. As in - EAT EAT EAT!