OK so I'm a bit late to the party! What can I say, I've been busy buried in thesis writing (more of which, later). I LOVED futurama s1-4, but the TV movies aka s5 were a bit lacking to say the least, So it was with great surprise that I heard the series had been renewed for a 6th season.
For those who don't know, Futurama is made by the same people who make The Simpsons. Set a thousand years from now, it follows the exploits of Philip J Fry, a pizza delivery boy who was accidentally (although we know now on purpose) cryogenically frozen in the 20th century and defrosted in the 30th century, where he joined Delivery Express, a delivery company run by his great-great-million times great nephew (who is about 100 years older than Fry, if you can wrap your brain around it). Fry is in love with the one eyed captain, Leela and is best friends with the kleptomaniac alcoholic robot Bender. Although the show never reached anywhere near the success of Simpsons, it can definitely match it in the humour stakes
So how does s6 shape up? I have to say it's been a bit hit and miss.
6.1 Rebirth - The series returns with all the crew dead. Obviously someone needs to fix it. Quite amusing when we get duplicates. Not a bad start 7/10
6.2 In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela. A deathstar like thing is approaching Earth, and Zap Brannigan and Leela must go to fight it. OK getting Zap and Leela together was kinda contrived, Fry doesn't even object to his girlfriend going off with someone who's desperately interested in her. But the subsequent crash into the Garden of Eden is amusing, as is the 50s black and white serial depiction of Zap. The deathstar being a parody of Star Wars and of V'ger from Star Trek was pretty funny too. 7/10
6.3 Attack of the Killer App. People get EyePhones and turn into zombies, while Leela freaks out about a deformity. This was so horribly dated, taking jabs at Apple iPhones and Susan Boyle from X Factor/Pop Idol/Whatever Simon Cowell show. The vomiting/defecating goat was mildly amusing, but that was about it. Yet another plot from Mom? Meh 4/10
6.4 Proposition Infinity. Bender and Amy decide to hook up, which stirs up anti robosexuality hostility. Yawn. This was great with Fry and Lucy Liu a few seasons back. Amy and Bender together was just ridiculous. Again it felt dated as a jab against the US politics surrounding Proposition Eight and gay weddings. Another clunker 5/10
6.5 The Duh-Vinci Code. Fry discovers a secret document showing plans for an invention by Leonardo da Vinci. This triggers a search for the device, leading to the discovery that he built a spaceship to take him back home to his planet of alien super geniuses. The medieval robot got a laugh or two, but the rest of it was pretty mundane. 6/10
6.6 Lethal Inspection. After re enacting war games involving an invasion by Sith Lords, Bender discovers a fault in his mechanism, meaning if he dies he will not, as he supposed, download into a new body (very Battlestar Galactica). Freaking out, he recruits Hermes to find the bureaucrat who certified him as perfect to demand an explanation to his defect. The gags in this episode had me cracking up, possibly with relief that finally the show was going somewhere! The central bureaucrat office is entered by crossing a River Styx, and the offices are all linked together in a giant rubix cube assortment of cubicles. Following that, Bender and Hermes go off on all sorts of madcap adventures. The ending was prob predictable for most but I didn't see it and it actually invoked a little tear. Now THIS is what Futurama was like in s4 before they made the ridiculous decision to cancel! Hopefully it can sustain this and justify its resurrection. 9/10
Saturday 24 July 2010
Wednesday 14 July 2010
The French vote to ban burkhas.
France has a population of 65 million. Maybe 5 million are muslim. A very rough guess quoted in the media says there are maybe 2,000 women wearing burkas in France. Yeah, this is a real good use of legislation, time and money. Never mind french muslim women suffering actual problems like domestic violence, forced genital mutilation, unemployment, acute racism, language difficulties, lack of opportunites, poor health linked to poverty etc etc. Let's just pander to the right wing and get an easy vote across to make it look like we stand for Liberté, égalité, fraternité.
Personally I do not believe they are required or even hinted at being required in Islam, but a ban is really just not very helpful. It will do nothing to aid genuinely downtrodden women, and will just be a rallying point for extremists and the PC brigade.
Personally I do not believe they are required or even hinted at being required in Islam, but a ban is really just not very helpful. It will do nothing to aid genuinely downtrodden women, and will just be a rallying point for extremists and the PC brigade.
Tolkien explained - from The Silmarillion to The Hobbit to The Lord of the Rings.
I actually had a fair few web hits from my summary of Lost (though no comments - c'mon people, I can see you're reading the blog!) so thought I'd add a few more, since I actually quite enjoy writing these (great distraction from thesis writing). This one is about the history of Middle Earth. What I found vaguely frustrating was that a lot of people watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy of films would have no idea that there was a great deal of back history behind the story of which they would be completely unaware.
So here goes a summary of something between 10-20,000 years!
At the beginning of time:
Eru the One creates a race of angelic beings, lead by fifteen powerful entities known as the Valar, the Powers. The mightiest of their number falls from grace, seeking to undermine the Creator's plans, and is later given the name Morgoth, the Great Enemy of the world. He becomes the Prime Spirit of Evil. The Valar and their numerous angelic servants (including such as Gandalf and Saruman) are sent to shape part of the Universe into a world where the Creator's "children", Elves and Men, can act out their destinies. Morgoth corrupts many of the spirits to his side; fire spirits are transformed into demons of shadow and fire, the Balrogs. Sauron is a powerful angel who joins Morgoth to become his most trusted servant.
The First Age:
The Valar shape the world into sea and sky and land. Initially it is a perfect world, with western, eastern and immense central continents. Morgoth and his forces follow them and begin to wreak havok. Because Morgoth's powers are equal to the Valar, he is able to upset everything they do. Over time he puts much of his innate power into corrupting the very fabric of the world, so that everything is rendered imperfect and now capable of being used as least as much for evil as for good. The central continent, Middle Earth, is ravaged by the conflict. Eventually the Valar retreat to the western continent which they fortify. Here they bring about the best of their creation and purify all of the land, calling it Aman, the Blessed and Undying Land. The most marvellous of their works are the Two Living Trees of Light, which create silver and golden light that ennobles any who see it.
The Valar use the power of the Silver Tree to enhance the stars in the sky. This enriched starlight shines down, and awakens the Elves who were placed dormant in the northeast of Middle Earth. Unfortunately, Morgoth finds them and puts fear into many of them, and manages to corrupt some into the first of the Orcs. The Valar eventually find the Elves, and realise Morgoth is poisoning them. Therefore they marshall their forces and wage war. Because Morgoth has put much of his power into the earth, and seeks to rule as a tyrant, he is forced more and more to assume a physical form. Therefore he is caught and unable to flee in spirit form. His great fortress is destroyed, but in their haste the Valar do not decimate his forces, and Sauron is able to lead the retreat to his secondary base in the North west.
The Valar then make a grave mistake and interfere in Elven history by calling them to live in the West. This causes the elves to split into two. Those who refuse are called the Avari, the unwilling, and remain a more primitive people. Those who agree are called the Eldar, the people of the stars. The Eldar are made of up a smaller, medium and a very large tribe. The small and medium tribes reach the northwest shores of Middle Earth quickly, but the third, larger tribe takes its time. Along the journey many of them split off and decide to stay in Middle Earth. Because they never saw the Light of the Trees, they along with the Unwilling are called Dark Elves. Those who made it to Aman are called Light Elves.
The Valar dragged an island from Middle Earth to Aman to transport the first two tribes. The king of the third tribe, Thingol, went missing, so some of his people stayed behind, while the rest chose a new king and also passed to Aman. Eventually the king was found. Thingol had fallen in love with an angel, Melian, who had taken on corporeal form as an Elven woman. She stayed with Thingol as his wife, and they ruled those Eldar in the Northwest. Because of her divine knowledge, those Elves became more advanced than the other dark elves and were called Grey Elves. Eventually they discovered that the Dwarves had also emerged, the creation of one of the Valar, but given souls by Eru as His adopted children.
Morgoth was imprisoned for a long time. During that time, the three tribes of Eldar in Aman prospered, and learnt much from the Valar, and were rendered mighty by the light of the Trees. Feanor was the prince of the second tribe. He made many advances in elven knowledge; he created the Palantiri seeing stones given later to the Numenoreans. His greatest creation were the three jewels called the Silmarils, which captured the blended light of the Two Trees. Any who saw the holy jewels became enamoured of them.
Eventually Morgoth's prison term ended, and because the Valar did not understand the depths of his evil, they believed his pleas for forgiveness. Over time he sowed discontent in Aman, especially among the second tribe. Eventually his grand plans came to fruition. He killed the king of the second tribe, stole the silmarils, destroyed the Two Trees and escaped back to Middle Earth.
Feanor grieved over his father's murder and cursed the Valar for inaction. Poisoned by Morgoth's words and full of innate arrogance, he led a rebellion and summoned most of his people to return to wage war on Morgoth. The Valar had no right to stop them, but also refused to aid their return. Therefore they asked the third tribe, who had learnt the art of sailing and shipbuilding, to help. They refused, so the rebels resorted to force, and ended up killing many of their fellow Elves. For staining Aman with the blood of innocents, the second tribe was cursed by the Valar and doomed to exile. They left and sailed to pursue Morgoth to the Northwest of Middle Earth. By this time Morgoth had returned to his secondary fortress which Sauron had prepared for him. The second tribe made alliance with the grey elves and waged war on Morgoth. Feanor died in the first battle. Their combined power forced Morgoth to hide with his armies, but was not strong enough to break in or retrieve the silmarils. The alliance was strained when the Grey elves discovered their fellow elves of the third tribe had died at the hands of the second tribe.
The Valar meanwhile put enchantments to conceal Aman so none could enter. They attempted to heal the Trees, but without the silmarils they failed. They used the last of the silver tree to make the Moon, and the golden tree to make the Sun. The sunlight was so powerful it put fear in Morgoth, and his orcs refused to walk out during the day. The Sun also had the side effect of accelerating the wearing and ageing in the mortal lands. All the elves in Middle Earth began to feel the passage of time more strongly. The Sun also awakened the dormant humans in the south of Middle Earth. Morgoth was able to leave his fortress one last time to find the first humans, and corrupt them from worship of Eru to fear of the Dark. For this they fell from grace. A minority rebelled against this, and sought out the rumours of Light that the wandering dark elves told them existed in the west. Several human tribes eventually came to the northwest, where they learnt they could never reach Aman. They formed their own kingdoms in alliance with the Light Elves and Grey Elves, which held Morgoth's power in check for centuries.
Thingol and Melian's daughter carried the blood of the divine and of the Elves, and she married a human hero. They alone recovered one of the silmarils from Morgoth. When the human hero died, the Creator intervened for the first time, and allowed them to both live as mortals. Another human prince and elven princess married. From these unions came Earendil and Elwing, who were the parents of Elrond and Elros. Humans are mortal; when they die, their souls escape and move on beyond the world. In the beginning they could rest from life of their own choice, and move onto the next life. But Morgoth taught them to fear death, so now they struggle to live on until they die of old age or disease. The Elves by contrast are bound to the world, and do not age, but remain. In middle earth under the sun, the centuries begin to wear down on them until they fade away. If they are killed through accident or violence then their souls are summoned by the Valar for recorporealisation or rebirth. The halfelven were later given a choice of which racial destiny to choose.
Eventually, through power and cunning, the fraying of the alliance of the Elves, the introduction of evil human tribes, and creation of Dragons, Morgoth smashed the Elven and human kingdoms aside. All of the Northwest fell under his domination. Earendil and Elwing used the power of the Silmaril to pass the enchantments on the western seas and reach Aman itself. There they begged for forgiveness of the Second Tribe, and mercy for the Grey Elves and Humans who had done no wrong. The Valar summoned all their forces and waged a final war. The sheer power of this conflict ruined the entire northwest, but most of the dragons, balrogs and other creatures of Morgoth were wiped out. Morgoth was captured and executed in his corporeal form so that his broken spirit was cast out of the material world. Unfortunately the last two silmarils were lost to the depths of the sea and earth, meaning the paradise of the Two Trees could never be restored. Earendil and his silmaril were set in the sky and later called Earendil's star. Light from this star was later captured in the phial that Galadriel gave to Frodo Baggins during his sojourn in Lorien.
The Second Age:
The Valar forgave the Rebels and invited them home, as well as the Grey Elves, with the exception of Galadriel who refused to repent (although she herself had not committed murder, she did not want to return to live under the Valar's rule). Many Light and Grey elves left for Aman, but many others stayed. Gil Galad was their king. The half elven children were given a choice of which race to belong to. Elrond becomes a powerful Elf, allied to Gil Galad. Elros becomes mortal and king of the humans who were loyal to the Elves. The Valar then make their second grave mistake, by interfering in human history. They transform Elros and his people into the most powerful of humans, enhancing their lifespans. They create an island, Numenor, halfway between Aman and Middle Earth. The elves and angels teach the Numenoreans great knowledge.
In middle earth, Sauron remained as a wandering spirit. He sought to replace his defeated master but lacked his power. He realised he could trick the Elves into helping him. Gil Galad, Elrond and Galadriel all refused to talk to him, even in his disguised state. The grandson of Feanor however did ally with Sauron. He tapped their desire to remain in Middle Earth as the superior race but also enjoy the grace, healing and power they had in Aman. That great community of Light Elves combined their power with Sauron to create 16 Rings of Power, which enhanced the wearer's innate powers. But they were all tainted with Sauron's darkness. Sauron then left, to build his powerbase in Mordor. While he was gone, the Elves made three more rings which were free of his taint, and were made not for war or power but for enhancing rest and defence against the weariness of the passing of time. Sauron put all of his power into making the Master Ring, which could rule the wearers of the other 19 rings. Through them he would conquer the entire Elven nation. It allowed him to see and dominate the minds of his enemies and was a mighty weapon of war. It also ensured all that Sauron wrought with the Ring was impossible to fully destroy. The Elves realised his plan immediately and stopped the use of their rings. Sauron then summoned all forces of evil remaining and waged war. He destroyed the elven nations and captured the 16 rings, but not the last 3. Sauron and the Elves struggled for control of the north of middle earth for years. It was not until the Numenoreans joined the Elves that Sauron was pushed back.
The Numenoreans by this point had become a mighty nation, drunk with power and arrogant beyond belief. They assembled the largest army ever seen and challenged Sauron. Realising that he could not win by force, Sauron gave himself up. It was not long before he bewitched the king of Numenor to become his adviser. Over the years, he corrupted them from within, and incited them to rebel against the Valar, insinuating the Powers' immortality came from living in the immortal lands of Aman, when the truth was that Aman was blessed only by the presence of the Valar. The Numenoreans created a vast armada and invaded Aman. Since they could not act directly against the children of the Creator, the Valar gave up their rule of the world and asked the Creator to intervene. Eru removed Aman from the mortal plane of existence, wiped out the Numenorean invasion force and sank Numenor into the sea. Sauron was caught up in its destruction, his original physical form destroyed. His spirit fled back to Mordor, where with the power of the Ring he rendered himself a new form imitating the original Dark Lord Morgoth. But he lost the power to seduce or bewitch through trickery.
A minority of Numenoreans who stayed loyal to Eru and the Valar were allowed to escape. Their king formed a Northern Kingdom in Middle Earth, their two princes a Southern Kingdom. But it was only a few years before Sauron had reorganised his forces and waged war again. Gil Galad and the Numenoreans made the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, but spent 7 years fighting Sauron's forces. Gil galad, the human king and the younger prince all died. The elder prince managed to cut the Ring off Sauron's hand, causing his physical shell to collapse and his forces to be left in disarray. His armies were defeated and Mordor was ruined.
The Third Age:
The prince took the One Ring, but was ambushed later by fleeing Orcs and died. The ring fell into a river and was lost. Both human kingdoms prospered for a while. The elves withdrew, losing contact with most humans. Unable to do much more than dwell on the past, they used the power of the Three Rings to create refuges where they could live in peace, sheltered from the weariness of the passing of time. Elrond wielded one ring in Rivendell, Galadriel another in Lorien.
Seven Rings had been given to Dwarves, but although their evil nature brought ruin the Rings could not dominate the Dwarves to serve Sauron's will. so he reclaimed some, and the rest were lost. Nine rings were given to various human leaders, three of them Numenoreans. THey proved easy to corrupt. THe rings gave them enhanced life and power but eventually transformed them into the Ringwraiths under Sauron's power. In his absence, they fought the Northern Kingdom which had already self destructed in civil war. An alliance with Elrond's forces was too late to save the Kingdom, but the RIngwraiths were eventually driven off and defeated for a time. The kingdom was gone, but the royal family remained in exile, their people becoming a nomadic group called the Rangers who kept the North safe. Hobbits, descended from a diminutive group of humans, lived in the North in the Shire and eventually forgot the Kingdom.
The Ringwraiths moved south to Mordor, and organised war against the southern kingdom. Skirmishes went on and on, and eventually the king was killed leaving no heirs. THe Kingdom survived under the rule of stewards.
At this point the Valar realised Sauron was still extant and would never be entirely defeated. Wanting to help but not wishing to repeat their mistakes of direct intervention, they decided to send emissaries. THey picked five of their servants to go in the guise of old men, wizards, who could advise the races but not dominate them, nor directly challenge the power of Sauron. The aim was to help the races to help themselves.
Two wizards, the Blue Wizards Pallando and Alatar, went into the eastern realms. Either they were murdered, or they betrayed their mission and set up magic cults , or perhaps they did succeed, and raised rebellions which kept the vast eastern human forces from joining Sauron. Radagast the Brown failed his mission, becoming more interested in the study of the flora and fauna and not doing much to aid in the war. Saruman became a vast force for evil. It was only Gandalf who truly attended to his task and was vital to ending Sauron's threat.
Most of the elves and all the humans did not realise the true nature of the wizards. One elf did, and realised Gandalf was the truest and most noble of them. Therefore he gave Gandalf the last of the pure Three Rings, to enhance Gandalf and give him the power to inspire others. Saruman learnt of this later and was enraged, since he thought as leader of the wizards he himself should have been given a Ring of Power.
At this point an evil force called the Necromancer formed in the forests. The Elves and wizards assumed it was merely a ringwraith, but Gandalf suspected Sauron was returning. Unfortunately by this point, Saruman had become corrupted, wanting to become a power himself. He spent all his time studying Sauron and the Rings, and tried to find out where the One Ring had been lost. Gandalf risked his life to prove the Necromancer was Sauron returned, and eventually Saruman agreed to attacking. Sauron retreated and returned to Mordor and openly declared himself. Saruman used one of the Seeing Stones of Feanor to spy, not realising Sauron had captured one such stone. Saruman, already weakend by his own pettiness and corrupted nature, was an easy target for Sauron to seduce to his side. Sauron did not entirely realise Saruman himself sought to become a new dark lord, either by finding the ring or creating his own Master Ring to destroy and replace Sauron.
No one realised the Ring had been found by a hobbit later called Gollum, who lived for centuries in the mountains, twisted into an evil creature by the taint of the Ring. Gandalf, seeking to revive the power of the dwarves and get a dragon destroyed, took a hobbit named Bilbo on a quest to defeat the dragon. It was his fate to find the ring and take it from Gollum. The dragon was killed and the dwarven kingdom restored, ensuring that if Sauron did return he would not have an ally in the north. Gandalf wondered at the ring Bilbo had. By now not entirely trusting Saruman, Gandalf spent years doing his own research. He eventually figured out the ring was truly the One Ring. By then it had passed onto Bilbo's nephew Frodo.
Sauron also learnt of the ring ,and sent his spies and Ringwraiths to reclaim it. At this point Saruman betrayed Gandalf by imprisoning him, seeking to find and claim the ring himself. Gandalf escaped, and the hobbits got the ring safely to Elrond. A council there decided only by destroying the ring could Sauron be truly defeated.
Unable to take a direct route through the mountains, they went under them via the lost dwarven realm of Moria. There, they encountered a Balrog demon. Gandalf, as an angel, was able to challenge the demon, but the struggle destroyed them both. His mortal shell killed, Gandalf's spirit drifted. At this point Eru intervened directly, resurrecting Gandalf in his mortal body. The experience rendered him more powerful than before, going from grey to Gandalf the White.
Saruman sought to capture the ring but failed. He marshalled the armies of evil men and orcs to cut off the Southern Kingdom from its allies, but aroused the wrath of the Ents, creatures made long ago by the Valar to tend to the forests. Saruman's forces were defeated and his power was destroyed by gandalf, ending his threat. He was later murdered by his own servant, and his spirit was left to roam as a wandering ghost, exiled from Aman for his treachery.
Gandalf and the last remaining descendant of the kings of Numenor came to the southern Kingdom and helped it challenge Sauron. The leader of the ringwraiths was killed, and Sauron's inital invasion force destroyed. The allies then challenged Mordor but were vastly outnumbered by Sauron's second wave of troops. All of this completely distracted Sauron from even comprehending that the allies had no intention of using the Ring as a weapon of war to fight him, but were sneaking it into Mordor to destroy it. Frodo the hobbit bore the burden of the Ring all the way to Mount Doom where it was made, but at the last fell under its power. Gollum at that point recaptured the Ring, but fell into the volcano, destroying himself and the Ring. Sauron's spirit was devastated and sent howling into the wilderness. Everything he had ever built and rebuilt collapsed, the ringwraiths were decimated, and his armies scattered.
Fourth Age:
With the one ring gone, the elves were no longer under threat of Sauron dominating them. But all they had built fell apart, for the Three Rings lost their power when the One was destroyed. The Northern and Southern kingdoms were reunited under their king, and the realms had peace. Most of the remaining Light and Grey Elves chose to leave Middle Earth, and were allowed by the Valar to reach the hidden lands of Aman. Gandalf left, his mission complete. Frodo was allowed to go too, after suffering so many tortures and wounds during his mission which left his life too painful to live. In Aman he could live a peaceful life for and be healed before dying. The elves who stayed in Middle Earth eventually faded away, as did the dwarves, while Humanity expanded to fill the world which fell under the Dominion of Men.
So here goes a summary of something between 10-20,000 years!
At the beginning of time:
Eru the One creates a race of angelic beings, lead by fifteen powerful entities known as the Valar, the Powers. The mightiest of their number falls from grace, seeking to undermine the Creator's plans, and is later given the name Morgoth, the Great Enemy of the world. He becomes the Prime Spirit of Evil. The Valar and their numerous angelic servants (including such as Gandalf and Saruman) are sent to shape part of the Universe into a world where the Creator's "children", Elves and Men, can act out their destinies. Morgoth corrupts many of the spirits to his side; fire spirits are transformed into demons of shadow and fire, the Balrogs. Sauron is a powerful angel who joins Morgoth to become his most trusted servant.
The First Age:
The Valar shape the world into sea and sky and land. Initially it is a perfect world, with western, eastern and immense central continents. Morgoth and his forces follow them and begin to wreak havok. Because Morgoth's powers are equal to the Valar, he is able to upset everything they do. Over time he puts much of his innate power into corrupting the very fabric of the world, so that everything is rendered imperfect and now capable of being used as least as much for evil as for good. The central continent, Middle Earth, is ravaged by the conflict. Eventually the Valar retreat to the western continent which they fortify. Here they bring about the best of their creation and purify all of the land, calling it Aman, the Blessed and Undying Land. The most marvellous of their works are the Two Living Trees of Light, which create silver and golden light that ennobles any who see it.
The Valar use the power of the Silver Tree to enhance the stars in the sky. This enriched starlight shines down, and awakens the Elves who were placed dormant in the northeast of Middle Earth. Unfortunately, Morgoth finds them and puts fear into many of them, and manages to corrupt some into the first of the Orcs. The Valar eventually find the Elves, and realise Morgoth is poisoning them. Therefore they marshall their forces and wage war. Because Morgoth has put much of his power into the earth, and seeks to rule as a tyrant, he is forced more and more to assume a physical form. Therefore he is caught and unable to flee in spirit form. His great fortress is destroyed, but in their haste the Valar do not decimate his forces, and Sauron is able to lead the retreat to his secondary base in the North west.
The Valar then make a grave mistake and interfere in Elven history by calling them to live in the West. This causes the elves to split into two. Those who refuse are called the Avari, the unwilling, and remain a more primitive people. Those who agree are called the Eldar, the people of the stars. The Eldar are made of up a smaller, medium and a very large tribe. The small and medium tribes reach the northwest shores of Middle Earth quickly, but the third, larger tribe takes its time. Along the journey many of them split off and decide to stay in Middle Earth. Because they never saw the Light of the Trees, they along with the Unwilling are called Dark Elves. Those who made it to Aman are called Light Elves.
The Valar dragged an island from Middle Earth to Aman to transport the first two tribes. The king of the third tribe, Thingol, went missing, so some of his people stayed behind, while the rest chose a new king and also passed to Aman. Eventually the king was found. Thingol had fallen in love with an angel, Melian, who had taken on corporeal form as an Elven woman. She stayed with Thingol as his wife, and they ruled those Eldar in the Northwest. Because of her divine knowledge, those Elves became more advanced than the other dark elves and were called Grey Elves. Eventually they discovered that the Dwarves had also emerged, the creation of one of the Valar, but given souls by Eru as His adopted children.
Morgoth was imprisoned for a long time. During that time, the three tribes of Eldar in Aman prospered, and learnt much from the Valar, and were rendered mighty by the light of the Trees. Feanor was the prince of the second tribe. He made many advances in elven knowledge; he created the Palantiri seeing stones given later to the Numenoreans. His greatest creation were the three jewels called the Silmarils, which captured the blended light of the Two Trees. Any who saw the holy jewels became enamoured of them.
Eventually Morgoth's prison term ended, and because the Valar did not understand the depths of his evil, they believed his pleas for forgiveness. Over time he sowed discontent in Aman, especially among the second tribe. Eventually his grand plans came to fruition. He killed the king of the second tribe, stole the silmarils, destroyed the Two Trees and escaped back to Middle Earth.
Feanor grieved over his father's murder and cursed the Valar for inaction. Poisoned by Morgoth's words and full of innate arrogance, he led a rebellion and summoned most of his people to return to wage war on Morgoth. The Valar had no right to stop them, but also refused to aid their return. Therefore they asked the third tribe, who had learnt the art of sailing and shipbuilding, to help. They refused, so the rebels resorted to force, and ended up killing many of their fellow Elves. For staining Aman with the blood of innocents, the second tribe was cursed by the Valar and doomed to exile. They left and sailed to pursue Morgoth to the Northwest of Middle Earth. By this time Morgoth had returned to his secondary fortress which Sauron had prepared for him. The second tribe made alliance with the grey elves and waged war on Morgoth. Feanor died in the first battle. Their combined power forced Morgoth to hide with his armies, but was not strong enough to break in or retrieve the silmarils. The alliance was strained when the Grey elves discovered their fellow elves of the third tribe had died at the hands of the second tribe.
The Valar meanwhile put enchantments to conceal Aman so none could enter. They attempted to heal the Trees, but without the silmarils they failed. They used the last of the silver tree to make the Moon, and the golden tree to make the Sun. The sunlight was so powerful it put fear in Morgoth, and his orcs refused to walk out during the day. The Sun also had the side effect of accelerating the wearing and ageing in the mortal lands. All the elves in Middle Earth began to feel the passage of time more strongly. The Sun also awakened the dormant humans in the south of Middle Earth. Morgoth was able to leave his fortress one last time to find the first humans, and corrupt them from worship of Eru to fear of the Dark. For this they fell from grace. A minority rebelled against this, and sought out the rumours of Light that the wandering dark elves told them existed in the west. Several human tribes eventually came to the northwest, where they learnt they could never reach Aman. They formed their own kingdoms in alliance with the Light Elves and Grey Elves, which held Morgoth's power in check for centuries.
Thingol and Melian's daughter carried the blood of the divine and of the Elves, and she married a human hero. They alone recovered one of the silmarils from Morgoth. When the human hero died, the Creator intervened for the first time, and allowed them to both live as mortals. Another human prince and elven princess married. From these unions came Earendil and Elwing, who were the parents of Elrond and Elros. Humans are mortal; when they die, their souls escape and move on beyond the world. In the beginning they could rest from life of their own choice, and move onto the next life. But Morgoth taught them to fear death, so now they struggle to live on until they die of old age or disease. The Elves by contrast are bound to the world, and do not age, but remain. In middle earth under the sun, the centuries begin to wear down on them until they fade away. If they are killed through accident or violence then their souls are summoned by the Valar for recorporealisation or rebirth. The halfelven were later given a choice of which racial destiny to choose.
Eventually, through power and cunning, the fraying of the alliance of the Elves, the introduction of evil human tribes, and creation of Dragons, Morgoth smashed the Elven and human kingdoms aside. All of the Northwest fell under his domination. Earendil and Elwing used the power of the Silmaril to pass the enchantments on the western seas and reach Aman itself. There they begged for forgiveness of the Second Tribe, and mercy for the Grey Elves and Humans who had done no wrong. The Valar summoned all their forces and waged a final war. The sheer power of this conflict ruined the entire northwest, but most of the dragons, balrogs and other creatures of Morgoth were wiped out. Morgoth was captured and executed in his corporeal form so that his broken spirit was cast out of the material world. Unfortunately the last two silmarils were lost to the depths of the sea and earth, meaning the paradise of the Two Trees could never be restored. Earendil and his silmaril were set in the sky and later called Earendil's star. Light from this star was later captured in the phial that Galadriel gave to Frodo Baggins during his sojourn in Lorien.
The Second Age:
The Valar forgave the Rebels and invited them home, as well as the Grey Elves, with the exception of Galadriel who refused to repent (although she herself had not committed murder, she did not want to return to live under the Valar's rule). Many Light and Grey elves left for Aman, but many others stayed. Gil Galad was their king. The half elven children were given a choice of which race to belong to. Elrond becomes a powerful Elf, allied to Gil Galad. Elros becomes mortal and king of the humans who were loyal to the Elves. The Valar then make their second grave mistake, by interfering in human history. They transform Elros and his people into the most powerful of humans, enhancing their lifespans. They create an island, Numenor, halfway between Aman and Middle Earth. The elves and angels teach the Numenoreans great knowledge.
In middle earth, Sauron remained as a wandering spirit. He sought to replace his defeated master but lacked his power. He realised he could trick the Elves into helping him. Gil Galad, Elrond and Galadriel all refused to talk to him, even in his disguised state. The grandson of Feanor however did ally with Sauron. He tapped their desire to remain in Middle Earth as the superior race but also enjoy the grace, healing and power they had in Aman. That great community of Light Elves combined their power with Sauron to create 16 Rings of Power, which enhanced the wearer's innate powers. But they were all tainted with Sauron's darkness. Sauron then left, to build his powerbase in Mordor. While he was gone, the Elves made three more rings which were free of his taint, and were made not for war or power but for enhancing rest and defence against the weariness of the passing of time. Sauron put all of his power into making the Master Ring, which could rule the wearers of the other 19 rings. Through them he would conquer the entire Elven nation. It allowed him to see and dominate the minds of his enemies and was a mighty weapon of war. It also ensured all that Sauron wrought with the Ring was impossible to fully destroy. The Elves realised his plan immediately and stopped the use of their rings. Sauron then summoned all forces of evil remaining and waged war. He destroyed the elven nations and captured the 16 rings, but not the last 3. Sauron and the Elves struggled for control of the north of middle earth for years. It was not until the Numenoreans joined the Elves that Sauron was pushed back.
The Numenoreans by this point had become a mighty nation, drunk with power and arrogant beyond belief. They assembled the largest army ever seen and challenged Sauron. Realising that he could not win by force, Sauron gave himself up. It was not long before he bewitched the king of Numenor to become his adviser. Over the years, he corrupted them from within, and incited them to rebel against the Valar, insinuating the Powers' immortality came from living in the immortal lands of Aman, when the truth was that Aman was blessed only by the presence of the Valar. The Numenoreans created a vast armada and invaded Aman. Since they could not act directly against the children of the Creator, the Valar gave up their rule of the world and asked the Creator to intervene. Eru removed Aman from the mortal plane of existence, wiped out the Numenorean invasion force and sank Numenor into the sea. Sauron was caught up in its destruction, his original physical form destroyed. His spirit fled back to Mordor, where with the power of the Ring he rendered himself a new form imitating the original Dark Lord Morgoth. But he lost the power to seduce or bewitch through trickery.
A minority of Numenoreans who stayed loyal to Eru and the Valar were allowed to escape. Their king formed a Northern Kingdom in Middle Earth, their two princes a Southern Kingdom. But it was only a few years before Sauron had reorganised his forces and waged war again. Gil Galad and the Numenoreans made the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, but spent 7 years fighting Sauron's forces. Gil galad, the human king and the younger prince all died. The elder prince managed to cut the Ring off Sauron's hand, causing his physical shell to collapse and his forces to be left in disarray. His armies were defeated and Mordor was ruined.
The Third Age:
The prince took the One Ring, but was ambushed later by fleeing Orcs and died. The ring fell into a river and was lost. Both human kingdoms prospered for a while. The elves withdrew, losing contact with most humans. Unable to do much more than dwell on the past, they used the power of the Three Rings to create refuges where they could live in peace, sheltered from the weariness of the passing of time. Elrond wielded one ring in Rivendell, Galadriel another in Lorien.
Seven Rings had been given to Dwarves, but although their evil nature brought ruin the Rings could not dominate the Dwarves to serve Sauron's will. so he reclaimed some, and the rest were lost. Nine rings were given to various human leaders, three of them Numenoreans. THey proved easy to corrupt. THe rings gave them enhanced life and power but eventually transformed them into the Ringwraiths under Sauron's power. In his absence, they fought the Northern Kingdom which had already self destructed in civil war. An alliance with Elrond's forces was too late to save the Kingdom, but the RIngwraiths were eventually driven off and defeated for a time. The kingdom was gone, but the royal family remained in exile, their people becoming a nomadic group called the Rangers who kept the North safe. Hobbits, descended from a diminutive group of humans, lived in the North in the Shire and eventually forgot the Kingdom.
The Ringwraiths moved south to Mordor, and organised war against the southern kingdom. Skirmishes went on and on, and eventually the king was killed leaving no heirs. THe Kingdom survived under the rule of stewards.
At this point the Valar realised Sauron was still extant and would never be entirely defeated. Wanting to help but not wishing to repeat their mistakes of direct intervention, they decided to send emissaries. THey picked five of their servants to go in the guise of old men, wizards, who could advise the races but not dominate them, nor directly challenge the power of Sauron. The aim was to help the races to help themselves.
Two wizards, the Blue Wizards Pallando and Alatar, went into the eastern realms. Either they were murdered, or they betrayed their mission and set up magic cults , or perhaps they did succeed, and raised rebellions which kept the vast eastern human forces from joining Sauron. Radagast the Brown failed his mission, becoming more interested in the study of the flora and fauna and not doing much to aid in the war. Saruman became a vast force for evil. It was only Gandalf who truly attended to his task and was vital to ending Sauron's threat.
Most of the elves and all the humans did not realise the true nature of the wizards. One elf did, and realised Gandalf was the truest and most noble of them. Therefore he gave Gandalf the last of the pure Three Rings, to enhance Gandalf and give him the power to inspire others. Saruman learnt of this later and was enraged, since he thought as leader of the wizards he himself should have been given a Ring of Power.
At this point an evil force called the Necromancer formed in the forests. The Elves and wizards assumed it was merely a ringwraith, but Gandalf suspected Sauron was returning. Unfortunately by this point, Saruman had become corrupted, wanting to become a power himself. He spent all his time studying Sauron and the Rings, and tried to find out where the One Ring had been lost. Gandalf risked his life to prove the Necromancer was Sauron returned, and eventually Saruman agreed to attacking. Sauron retreated and returned to Mordor and openly declared himself. Saruman used one of the Seeing Stones of Feanor to spy, not realising Sauron had captured one such stone. Saruman, already weakend by his own pettiness and corrupted nature, was an easy target for Sauron to seduce to his side. Sauron did not entirely realise Saruman himself sought to become a new dark lord, either by finding the ring or creating his own Master Ring to destroy and replace Sauron.
No one realised the Ring had been found by a hobbit later called Gollum, who lived for centuries in the mountains, twisted into an evil creature by the taint of the Ring. Gandalf, seeking to revive the power of the dwarves and get a dragon destroyed, took a hobbit named Bilbo on a quest to defeat the dragon. It was his fate to find the ring and take it from Gollum. The dragon was killed and the dwarven kingdom restored, ensuring that if Sauron did return he would not have an ally in the north. Gandalf wondered at the ring Bilbo had. By now not entirely trusting Saruman, Gandalf spent years doing his own research. He eventually figured out the ring was truly the One Ring. By then it had passed onto Bilbo's nephew Frodo.
Sauron also learnt of the ring ,and sent his spies and Ringwraiths to reclaim it. At this point Saruman betrayed Gandalf by imprisoning him, seeking to find and claim the ring himself. Gandalf escaped, and the hobbits got the ring safely to Elrond. A council there decided only by destroying the ring could Sauron be truly defeated.
Unable to take a direct route through the mountains, they went under them via the lost dwarven realm of Moria. There, they encountered a Balrog demon. Gandalf, as an angel, was able to challenge the demon, but the struggle destroyed them both. His mortal shell killed, Gandalf's spirit drifted. At this point Eru intervened directly, resurrecting Gandalf in his mortal body. The experience rendered him more powerful than before, going from grey to Gandalf the White.
Saruman sought to capture the ring but failed. He marshalled the armies of evil men and orcs to cut off the Southern Kingdom from its allies, but aroused the wrath of the Ents, creatures made long ago by the Valar to tend to the forests. Saruman's forces were defeated and his power was destroyed by gandalf, ending his threat. He was later murdered by his own servant, and his spirit was left to roam as a wandering ghost, exiled from Aman for his treachery.
Gandalf and the last remaining descendant of the kings of Numenor came to the southern Kingdom and helped it challenge Sauron. The leader of the ringwraiths was killed, and Sauron's inital invasion force destroyed. The allies then challenged Mordor but were vastly outnumbered by Sauron's second wave of troops. All of this completely distracted Sauron from even comprehending that the allies had no intention of using the Ring as a weapon of war to fight him, but were sneaking it into Mordor to destroy it. Frodo the hobbit bore the burden of the Ring all the way to Mount Doom where it was made, but at the last fell under its power. Gollum at that point recaptured the Ring, but fell into the volcano, destroying himself and the Ring. Sauron's spirit was devastated and sent howling into the wilderness. Everything he had ever built and rebuilt collapsed, the ringwraiths were decimated, and his armies scattered.
Fourth Age:
With the one ring gone, the elves were no longer under threat of Sauron dominating them. But all they had built fell apart, for the Three Rings lost their power when the One was destroyed. The Northern and Southern kingdoms were reunited under their king, and the realms had peace. Most of the remaining Light and Grey Elves chose to leave Middle Earth, and were allowed by the Valar to reach the hidden lands of Aman. Gandalf left, his mission complete. Frodo was allowed to go too, after suffering so many tortures and wounds during his mission which left his life too painful to live. In Aman he could live a peaceful life for and be healed before dying. The elves who stayed in Middle Earth eventually faded away, as did the dwarves, while Humanity expanded to fill the world which fell under the Dominion of Men.
My new phone
That dreaded time approached, when mobile phone contracts expire and you have to trawl through the latest phones and deals to see what to go for. Some people cannot wait for it, to go and find the latest gadget. Me, I can't stand it. The last time was January 2009, when my current contract expired and I was suddenly bumped onto a £40/month contract with no warning! I just did not have the time or energy to look around so plumped for an awful upgrade to 200 min and 200 texts per month plus a free Samsung Tocco - for £25 a month! The phone was a disaster and I just about survived on the minutes. I got rid of the phone on ebay and went back to my prehistoric Sony Ericcson k800i.
I was resolved to not commit the same mistake this year once my 18 month contract was over. Did a fair bit of research, dumped my old provider 02 when they refused to offer me a decent renewal (after five years of loyalty!) and switched to Orange. I just hope the future really is bright, because I've got a 2 year contract with them. £30 a month for 500min and unlimited texts and internet (in fact 3000 texts and 500Mb).
The phone I got free was the HTC Desire. A geek friend of mine recommended I go for a Google Android style phone, since I had an iPod Touch and did not want to get an iPhone. The Desire is quite flash. It has a touchscreen. You can slip through five main screens - one has the menu button and a giant clock with the weather report; the others vary from email access to favourite numbers and can be customised. The menu button gives you access to all the programs, which you can supplement by downloading new apps from the Google store (I've yet to find any worth getting, but then i don't rate many Apple apps either to be honest).
Sound quality is fair but not superb. THe touchscreen is very responsive, predictive texting is quite good. Battery life is decent, depending on how much of the apps you use (be warned - leaving the wireless internet access switched on is incredibly battery intensive). Internet speeds are pretty good. When the phone starts ringing, the ringtone reduces volume dramatically once it senses you have picked the phone up, which is rather sensible. The text messages took getting used to - it stores them in the form of conversations like gmail does, rather than in inbox and sent boxes, which is rather sensible. It can even read pdf files. Photo and camera quality are ok but not brilliant, it seems to have problems dealing with bright light sources, but maybe I just need to play with the functions and settings more. It can sync your contacts and calendars with your Gmail and download info from facebook, and has a FriendsStream app giving you all the latest facebook and Twitter updates. I haven't really tried the mp3 or radio functions.
All in all a fun flash smartphone. I just hope it is hardy enough to last 2 years. I have already bought a pouch to keep it safe.....
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